


Home Truths, Secrets & Lies

by Tostikat



Category: Star Trek: Voyager
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2021-02-13
Updated: 2021-03-03
Packaged: 2021-03-13 15:28:11
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 8
Words: 23,637
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29404092
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Tostikat/pseuds/Tostikat
Summary: After Endgame - She got them home, but it was bittersweet. Chakotay was with Seven. but what if there was someone waiting for her, someone she had never told Chakotay about, what if Mark and duty weren't the only reasons she held back all those years. What happened to the woman who has spent the last seven years dormant, whilst the Captain fought her way home, is she still there can she finally find her way home too. Note: TNG character W.Riker/Janeway pairing - I've been intrigued by it since reading Mosaic, but it's more a Voyager story than a crossover.
Relationships: Kathryn Janeway/William Riker
Comments: 14
Kudos: 23





	1. Welcome Home

**Author's Note:**

> This is a Voyager story but with a TNG character so I have left it as a single category rather than a crossover.
> 
> The first paragraph below was an extract from a story I read in 2006 by Marmar1, I have tried to find the name of this story without success, but it may have been called Welcome Home and it's what started this idea.

Breaking from his gaze, her eyes followed her hand as her fingertips lightly caressed over his tribal tattoo, down the line of his cheek, to stop gently under his chin. Her eyes briefly considered his mouth; her tongue slipped out to moisten her own lips before they met his with a firm tenderness.

Her left hand rose to grip his right shoulder. Through slightly parted lips, her tongue slipped out to tease across his lips before she leaned back, breaking all contact with him. Once again, her eyes caught his and she was unable to mask entirely the desire, the sadness within.

"Welcome home, Commander." she said, her voice heavy.

***

Chakotay was in a state of shock as he watched Kathryn step through the door onto the bridge.

"What the hell!

Damn you Kathryn, why did you have to wait til now to do that?", he muttered moving quickly to follow her, to stop her and...what?

He stopped abruptly. What exactly was he doing, Seven was waiting for him in his quarters and Kathryn had made it clear she would never take their relationship further whilst they were stranded in the Delta Quadrant.

It had seemed to Chakotay foolish to wait, so after years of one rejection after another he had looked elsewhere for companionship, after all they might never get home...

It was then Chakotay realised he had given up, that was why he had started seeing Seven, oh sure she was attractive enough in her own way but still she was no Kathryn Janeway.

Kathryn, who had never given up hope she would get her ship and her crew home, never stopped fighting and changed the rules from the future to ensure they found a way home and in doing so maybe then to allow herself to give life to her feelings for him, but he had been impatient had not fully realised the depth of her commitment to her mission and he had given up on her, on them.

Chakotay backed away from the door, stumbled landing hard on the sofa, put his head in his hands in complete dismay.

Even with all the de-briefings, meetings and media attention there was little to dampen the Voyager crews return home, of course it had not been without incident.

After the shock of seeing Voyager appear out of the Borg conduit, Starfleet had effectively put the ship under a tight quarantine no messages in or out and they were to proceed directly to an Earth orbit and transport to a debriefing area somewhere in New Zealand.

The somewhere turned out to be the same holding facility Tom Paris had been in prior to joining Voyager on the trip to the Badlands. The irony of which was not lost on Mister Paris, who remarked on several occasions, "Did the Delta Quadrant thing really happen, or have I been dreaming for seven years".

Marquis crew-members were charged with crimes against the Federation, which were then dropped in most cases due to performance whilst serving on a Federation ship, helped in no small part by Captain Janeway, who seemed to have something positive to say in defence of every signal crew-member, it was widely commented on by the crew that she must have spent the entire seven years in the Delta Quadrant compiling defence arguments.

In the end the last people to leave the holding area were the command team, they had not had chance to speak to each other on a personal level for several weeks and Chakotay was still undecided about what exactly had happened in Kathryn's Ready Room the day they returned to the Alpha Quadrant. Intending to speak with her and get to the bottom of the situation Chakotay was heading to her quarters to have a long overdue conversation.

After 8 weeks in quarantine, in small quarters, being grilled daily along with a constant feeling of being under a microscope the final crew member had left two days ago into the arms of family or friends, travel worn, but in most cases smiling, Kathryn had made sure to see every single one safely into the care of a loved one, with a touch to an arm, a kind word of advice sometimes a bittersweet hug but all with the reminder that she would always be their Captain and if they ever needed her they were to call.

All that remained now were the command team, they had not spoken much more than official business in the last two months, even the last few months on Voyager had been better than this, they had at least been friendly towards each other, but it seemed with the return to Earth the only thing holding them together had slipped away.

The time had finally come for her to leave this prison, to move on with her life and Kathryn was packing up the few personal items remaining in her makeshift quarters at the holding area, the crew had come up with a name for it but she was too tired to remember what it was.

Six months leave and mandatory counselling twice a week every week for at least half of that, what a joy it was to be home! Along with the added joy of mandatory visits to headquarters every week to continue explaining her actions over the last seven years as Starfleet picked through her personal logs to see if she was actually stable enough to continue as a Starfleet officer - of all the bloody cheek!

Throwing a small padd into her duffle Kathryn wondered if they were together now, the woman she had come to love like a daughter and the man she thought she might spend the rest of her life with once they got home. On the one hand she couldn't be angry at Seven, it wasn't as if Kathryn had any prior claim. But there was something, an understanding a whisper of a promise between her and Chakotay that had plainly been more evident to her than him, muttering to herself about angry warriors and broken promises was only serving to push her further into an angry rage, seven years of running on red alert followed by the last few months being dissected had taken its toll on her self control, hurling the coffee cup across the room, not really caring as it shattered on the opposite wall, Kathryn felt that iron mask slip just a bit, it felt good, so picking up another meaningless trinket from the pile she threw that as well.

In those few moments Kathryn Janeway displayed a loss of control that would have shocked many of the people who knew her on Voyager as she threw another cup adding a string of curses in various languages for good measure, then realising that she had nothing else to break and being unwilling to replicate something else she slumped down in the chair head in her hands and sighed. "What is the point anymore what do I do now?"

Across the room the console beeped signalling an incoming message, Kathryn cautiously raised her eyes and looked in its direction huffing gently she pushed herself up.

Chakotay was walking across the compound when a person transported into the entrance, the glare of the afternoon sun was in his face and he could just make out the silhouette of a man, he couldn't overhear all that was said to the security officer on duty but caught the name Kathryn, so headed in that direction.

William T Riker had spent the last two hours trying to convince the stubborn iron willed woman to come to him, in the end he had given up and just walked to a transport and decided to go collect her. Kathryn Janeway or Riker as he continued to think of her just because it amused him to do so, was even more stubborn than Jean-Luc Picard. Technically speaking she was still his wife as they had never gotten round to a divorce, but after some 17 years apart it didn't count for much, he still loved her she had a way of worming her way into someone, but it wasn't the same as being in love with her, that's what he told himself anyway.

They had been going through the paperwork before she disappeared but it had never been submitted. As he materialised on the transporter platform in New Zealand he thought about how he was going to explain to Kathryn that she was still married to him, smiling he considered it had been a very long time since he had anything thrown at him by a beautiful woman so it could be time to remedy that and she did like to throw things.

"Commander Riker, Here to meet Captain Kathryn Janeway from Voyager, I believe she's leaving quarantine today. She's not expecting me so I'd be grateful if you could point me in the right direction".

The security officer looked down his lists, but was saved the trouble of directing by Chakotay, "Commander William Riker, of the Enterprise isn't it?"

Riker turned and looked into the face of Commander Chakotay, he recognised him from the news reports on Voyager which had been peppering the holovids for the months since their return. "Yes and you're Commander Chakotay"

Nodding an affirmative, Chakotay extended his hand to the man, as he asked "You're a friend of Kathryn's? strange she never mentioned you".

Shaking Chakotay's hand Riker considered that statement, whilst he and Kathryn had never shouted their relationship from the rooftops they had never been hiding it from anyone, sure after the split they hadn't been in the same circles very often, mainly as self preservation it seemed that even after they agreed to end their three year marriage they couldn't quite turn off that initial attraction to one another, having been caught a couple of times with their guard down and ending up in bed together after a function somewhere - they decided to avoid each other. Communication via com link ensured they were never at the same function at the same time and if they were they brought company, after Will's assignment to the Enterprise more often than not that someone had been Deanna or Doctor Crusher in a pinch.

"Huh, Not surprising", releasing Chakotay's grip Will continued, "We didn't exactly advertise, So where is she hiding?"

Chakotay motioned in the direction of a long low building just ahead of them, "I was just heading that way myself, l'll show you".

Just then a door across the quad opened and the woman in question stepped out into the sunlight, holding a small star fleet issue duffle and wearing a very old style command uniform, Will Riker stopped and simply waited for her to clock him, his mind going back to the last time he saw her.

Kathryn knew it was silly but the old uniform was familiar, comfortable and a bit like a full shield at red alert. So she didn't really care what she looked like when she opened the door leading out of the temporary lodgings, as she entered the quad she could see two figures ahead of her, but the sun was so bright she couldn't immediately make out who the people were, stepping out onto the rough path brought the figures out of the suns glare revealing her second in command and someone she hadn't expected to see.

Memories came flooding back as she looked at him, he looked good, but then he always did that was part of the problem. He's put on a few pounds in the last few years, since... she felt her foot scuff the ground as she faltered over the gravel and the memory, oh no Kathryn don't go there. But the thought was already in motion playing out, the night before Voyager had departed space dock they had met to finalise the divorce paperwork and as usual the bickering started, it was good natured nit-picking something they had always done, but with the paperwork in front of them it had felt very final.

"You need to sign it Kate", Will pulled the padd out of its case sighing gently as he placed the object on the table in front of her.

Eyes flashing she replied "I'm not the one who missed our last meeting to do that", still not touching the padd.

Here we go thought Will, "I'm aware I missed our last meeting, but the time before that you did soooo I figure by now we must be about even" he smiled gently his blue eyes twinkling

Kathryn huffed, unwilling to admit to that!

She rose heading in the direction of the replicator, raising an eyebrow in his direction asking a silent question, "Please, you know what I like", he drawled and waited for her reaction, sure enough she laughed a rich smoky sound and called up their drinks.

"Stop flirting, and finish your meal, I slaved at least 30 seconds over the replicator creating that", placing their drinks on the table she sat back down on the sofa, leaning towards him, she whispered, her warm breath caressing his skin "Besides, I'm immune to you"

Will felt his throat tighten, dangerous territory, they both knew that was a lie and the reason they couldn't work, they were both too driven in their career to have time for a serious relationship, true she had beaten him to the Captain's chair on the USS Bonestell five years ago but he had got First Officer before her on the USS Hood and had been holding out for his chance on the Enterprise, It was rumoured that she had been on Picard's list of potential First Officers, which didn't surprise Will one bit. The marriage had been convenient, it worked well for the first few years they enjoyed each other in and out of bed, they didn't particularly need the other and had always kept separate residences but in their close circle of friends it had stopped the endless setups with strangers, the constant nagging from parents about settling down and for Kathryn it had closed a point on her personnel file about difficulties forming permanent attachments following the death of her father and fiancée Justin, and Will needed someone who didn't demand anything of him after Deanna had rejected him although he didn't exactly blame her for that, being found drunk and in bed with Kathryn had put paid to Deanna taking him seriously for many years.

The divorce papers needed signing for so many reasons but as Kathryn was in a relationship with an old friend, Mark who didn't have a clue as to the marital status of his girlfriend, it was for the best. Will was of the opinion Kate was stalling incase she needed an out, Mark was a nice guy but far to planet bound for Kathryn Janeway and he didn't challenge her on anything at all, they never argued, disagreed or bickered and why would they, she came to him for that! In fairness to Kate she did have some boundaries and whilst she came to him when she needed to rant like a Klingon warrior or drink like one for that matter, she hadn't taken him to her bed whilst she was seeing Mark, but tonight something felt different the energy in the room was charged in a way it hadn't been in years of friendly dinners and chance encounters.

"C'mon Kate, sign up to get off the Riker train or change your name and have done with it", he knew this would get a rise out of her it always did. But she floored him by picking up the padd and signing her name saying triumphantly, "There done, Not so hard." she slid the padd into his lap, once again leaning into him and chuckling quietly, "I'll be damned if you get your name on a Captains chair by pinning it on me, get your own!"

The scent of her perfume invaded his nostrils and her sparkling grey eyes looked up at him full of amusement with the hint of a challenge, god she was magnificent she always surprised him, she was still watching him her breath catching as his fingertips grazed her jaw, he swallowed hard waiting for her to push him away, but she didn't instead she moved closer her lips brushing his, as his hand slid behind her head gripping her hair slightly tugging her head back so he could breathe in the scent of her, "Are you sure", he whispered.


	2. Who Are You?

"Hello Kate", Will said as she walked up to them, she wasn't leaping into his arms but then she wasn't telling him to piss off either, but that might come later.

"I told you I'm fine William, I don't need rescuing like one of your damsels in distress", Kathryn growled at him completely ignoring Chakotay's puzzled look at her familiarity and odd approach towards the Commander on his left. "Kate! no need to be rude, what's it been now seven years, must be that old 20th century itch making you grouchy, or is it your old age," shot back Will falling into their old banter immediately.

Chakotay had about heard enough, he stepped forward to give the Commander a piece of his mind but was interrupted by Kathryn who hand drawn back was going for a slap, no not a slap she was going to give him a punch, a full on punch, "Red Alert", said Will Riker laughing out loud and dodging her, "C'mon Kate you can do better than that". Kate? Thought Chakotay, who the hell did this guy think he was, turning up here and insulting Kathryn and then calling her Kate, nobody called her that well nobody on Voyager anyway, not even Tom Paris who was overly personal with her at every opportunity.

Chakotay watched the pair dodging around the now discarded duffle one in an effort to connect, the other to avoid and all the while spewing insults at each other like children.

Eventually a now very out of breath Will Riker put up his hands in surrender, "Phew", He puffed out, "You stayed fit out there Kate, I've not been given a run for my money that hard for a good long time" Kathryn bent over resting on her knees, chuckled at him, "if you stayed still in the Delta Quadrant to long someone would either try and steal your provisions or stick a knife in your back, sometimes both!"

Glancing at Chakotay out of the corner of his eye Will could make a out a very confused expression and a semi fighting stance, the man looked ready to jump into action, all he was waiting for was a word or signal from his Captain, "that's one very well trained guard dog you have there Kate, does he have a command for stand down if so you'd better give it before he strains something", Snorting with mirth Kathryn stood and retrieved her bag throwing it across her shoulder, she reached for Will's hand "Come on old man, I'll introduce you."

Chakotay watched as Kathryn reached out and took Will Riker's hand and walking shoulder to shoulder towards his position, He tried to relax, they weren't in the Delta Quadrant now and plainly his Captain was familiar with Commander Riker, very familiar indeed.

"Commander Chakotay, may I introduce you to Commander William Riker my...Now what are you exactly after all this time", Kathryn stopped and looked at Will with an amused expression.

"Shall we go with old but very good friends for now,", said Will once again stretching out a hand and shaking Chakotay's, "We met just now at the gate, You interrupted us by trying to take a swing at me". Nudging him slightly Kathryn smiled, "so I did, but you were rather insulting".

Chakotay wanting to head off another round of childish bickering jumped in with a swift "Nice to meet you Commander, Please call me Chakotay",

Placing a hand on his chest, Will nodded slightly in acceptance and said "Likewise and it's Will"

"So Will," Chakotay glanced at Kathryn, "You two seem to know each other pretty well, No one on Voyager would dare call Kathryn anything but Captain, yet you have insulted her and used a nickname within the first five minutes," Raising an eyebrow slightly at the other man's frosty attitude, Will placed a hand on Kate's shoulder, "And yet you just called her Kathryn and nothing scary happened, as for the insult she will get her own back and I will pay for those comments."

Kathryn cleared her throat slightly, "I wasn't always a Captain, Chakotay and Will here is fond of shortening peoples names",

She seemed uncomfortable all of a sudden and Chakotay wasn't used to her closing off in front of him, retreating almost. Will also found her responses revealing, Kate wasn't awkward around men, generally she was more comfortable around men than women or at least she was when he knew her, but with Chakotay she seemed to want to make herself small and unnoticed, not quite a frightened mouse but certainly wary and on edge, whatever had happened between these two out there had, it seemed one hell of a profound effect on her.

"Well yes that's true I like to keep things short", Said Will, reaching across Kathryn's shoulder and forcing the duffle out of her grip,

"Enough Kate" he muttered in exasperation at her continuing resistance when she tried to hold onto the bag, "You're dead on your feet, and I bet you haven't had a thing to eat all day." Kathryn had a good grace to look slightly guilty and Will glared at her, "Thought so, I've arranged for dinner to be delivered and you're staying with me, my quarters are close enough to HQ that you can reach them on foot if you wish and avoid the public transporter stations, Voyager is big news and the pap will be all over you"

Kathryn bristled a bit at the assumption she couldn't manage her own bag, but relinquished it reluctantly, as the weight was lifted from her shoulders she realised how stiff they felt, and rolling her head to one side she smiled up at Will whispering a quiet, "thank you" whilst placing her right hand on her sore neck muscles trying to work out some of the kinks.

"Neck still bothering you huh" nodded Will, "I know just what you need to sort that out", he winked at her.

Rolling her eyes, Kathryn said nothing, but her cheeks flushed and goosebumps appeared where he could see her wrist. Chakotay wasn't blind and after almost seven years of making sure to watch her every move, ensuring she ate, exercised and took time away from work to relax he suspected she was anything but cold, "Kathryn was never very good at looking after herself, mumbled Chakotay.

Somethings never change eh Kate", Will shook his head at her, "I always needed a distraction to get her to stop working unless there was water nearby in which case she would be in it, on it or under it, but I don't suppose there was much chance of that in the DQ now was there".

The DQ? Kathryn repeated, "Oh you mean the Delta Quadrant, No not much", and she fell silent again absently rubbing at her neck

"Is that what they are calling it on the holofeeds?" asked Chakotay, storing away the information on how Will Riker had always needed a distraction for later study, "But yes you're right about the water, but we had some wonderful moonlight sails on Lake George, do you remember Kathryn, On the holodecks."

Kathryn looked down at the ground, now what was she supposed to say to that, just thinking about those intimate meetings made her cringe with embarrassment - what a fool she had been. "Oh they were very pleasant and a nice way to pass the time, but now we're home you should take Seven to see the real thing, I'm sure she would enjoy that". Turning to Will Kathryn raised her eyebrow and gestured towards the transporter platform, "You said something about dinner being delivered, there had better be some alcohol with that I'm in the mood for a real drink, although after seven years of replicated or bootleg liquor you could probably pour me some old fashioned turpentine and I'd think it was premium grade vodka".

"I'm sure I have a bottle somewhere, vodka not turps and yes we had better head out, Chakotay nice to meet you, I'm certain it won't be the last time, to Kathryn he bent and whispered something in her ear, she nodded and he swung her duffle onto his shoulder, I'll let you two say your farewells.

"Kathryn", Chakotay reached for her, but she pulled away, "Please don't, I'm sorry about what I did in the ready room, I shouldn't have kissed you like that it wasn't fair to you or Seven, I'm truly happy for both of you, it's just after seven years and getting home like that, it's been a bit overwhelming, I wasn't thinking straight."

"Kathryn, what's going on with you and Will Riker, seven years we've been together and never once has his name come up, yet here you are acting like..."

"Acting like what Chakotay, what exactly are you suggesting, as you say we have been in the delta quadrant for the last seven years what could I possibly have got up to with anyone, let alone Will."

She was so angry with him and on the defensive, she was definitely hiding something, so he went for the jugular, "Well you managed to get up to plenty on Quarra with Jaffen and as I recall you got up close and personal with a certain Devore Inspector, tell me Kathryn, just how far did things go with Kashyk, I saw that kiss is the shuttlebay, was he enough to warm you up. Maybe I should have kept the Marquis uniform, the leather seemed to do the trick!"

All the colour had drained from her face, cold and calm, she stepped towards him only inches away, so close he could feel her body heat, "Is that what you think happened between Kashyk and I," leaning even closer now she continued in a soft but deadly tone, "A good rut with the alien inspector in his leather boots, did you imagine him slamming me against the bulkhead, binding my wrists above my head and making me moan out his name, begging him to touch me so I could lose myself in him,"

Chakotay gulped at her harsh words and the images that flooded his mind, to his embarrassment he felt aroused by them, this kind of talk wasn't something he had ever heard from her, this version of Kathryn wasn't the woman he knew.

He jumped as her index finger poked him hard in the chest, "Not that this is any of your business, but he tried one night and I turned him down, oh don't think I didn't consider it," poking him again to make sure she had his complete attention,

Kathryn deliberately turned her tone sultry and chose her words for maximum effect, the reward was Chakotay visibly flinching as they hit him. "I like a good hard dirty fuck Commander, but I couldn't give myself to Kashyk,"

Straightening and taking a half step away from him, she continued in a lighter tone, "I'm not a one night stand kind of woman, not anymore, sure after my father and Justin I dropped out of Starfleet, drowned my sorrows in too much drink and a lot of men, then I met Will and things changed, he put me back together when I thought nothing else could.

Chakotay starred at her in amazement, "So that's it, all these years I thought it was loyalty to Mark, duty to the ship and crew that was holding you back, but all this time it was him!", he gestured over his shoulder in the direction of William T Riker, "Did Mark know you were having an affair or..."

A tap on the shoulder and a firm hand spinning him around, found him face to face with a full height and angry Will Riker, "That's quite enough Commander! Kate is leaving now."

Reaching past an irate Chakotay, Will gripped Kate by the hand and pulled her to him with a warning glance at Chakotay, Will put an arm around her shoulders and walked her towards the transporter, as they moved away Chakotay saw his Captain lean into the man, snaking a red covered sleeve around his hips.

He hadn't even known this man was on her radar, he didn't know she drank and slept around, he had never heard her use language like she had a moment ago, and he would never ever have pegged her as someone who was acceptable of adultery as a relationship choice, he wondered what else had she kept from him over the last seven years or if he had ever truly known the real Kathryn Janeway.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> To Be Continued....


	3. Let Me Show You Yourself

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Note: Just a little warning for some intimate moments towards the end of this chapter, enjoy x
> 
> Written to the sounds of "I Need You", by M83

William T Riker was sat in his lounge, the sun had long since set the warm glow disappearing into an inky night.

It was late, but he was running through some design schematics for a new shuttlecraft and had got caught up admiring some of the new ideas that were coming out of Research and Development.

The teams over at Berkley were giddy with excitement at the thought of getting their hands on some Borg technology, even though the USS Voyager had only been back three months, none of the former crew had really been out in the public eye none of them had spoken to the press, yet you could see evidence of Borg style technology and design slipping out into the public markets as designers tried to anticipate where the Voyager craze might go next, there was even a resurgence of the old style command uniforms on the fashion scene albeit in metallic fabrics and wild colours.

A bump at the door followed by a low laugh, brought him out of his musings. His head rolled back onto the edge of the chair behind him; not again Kate, he thought with a sigh.

Getting up he strode over to the door and yanked it open, to find Kathryn Janeway in the arms of Tom Paris, her helmsman from Voyager and current partner in crime for all things degenerate.

Tom had been kind enough to offer to keep an eye on his Captain and play wing man on some of her more risqué outings and as much as Will hated to admit it, Thomas Eugene Paris was a resourceful man, certainly crafty enough to keep up with Kate.

"Where did she end up this time?" Will sighed, as Tom transferred Kathryn into his arms.

"She was heading for a shuttle flight to France when I caught up with her," Tom relayed with the look of a man who had been sorely tested that evening, "In the company of a couple of fellas from London; who by all accounts were simply hilarious by the way." By the look on Tom's face he had heard this more than once whilst extracting his Captain from her evenings entertainment plans." "They had been plying her with wine and dining her in a bar downtown since early evening, I don't think they realised who she was though".

"Nope, I told them my name was Kes", Smiled Kathryn her eyes were not quite focused, indicating she was pretty drunk, not completely out of control, never that but just enough to take the edge off being her usual sensible self, something she seemed to have been doing almost every night for the last two weeks.

Her pale blond hair fell across her face as she turned her head, Kate did not suit being blonde, Will thought. It made her look washed out, but as she rightly said her red hair was a dead giveaway to her identity. Flicking the offending strands of hair out of her eyes caused her world to shift in a way that makes drunk people feel as if they're going to fall off the edge of the planet. "I think I need to go and shower gentlemen, will you excuse me," She pushed out of his arms and made her way to the bathroom, mumbling something incoherent about taking a chair in with her.

"Are you going to be okay with her, I have to get back to B'Elanna... ", Tom trailed off awkwardly, he wanted to stay, to check that the Captain was going to be alright, but having a new baby at home was pretty exhausting and it was nearing midnight, so Miral would be waking soon for a feed. He didn't want to miss her; besides his wife would want him showered before he came anywhere near them. B'Elanna didn't like him smelling like a bar after he'd spent the night with Kathryn, even if he was only doing it to keep an eye on her.

"Yes, it's not my first time dealing with her like this", except last time we were twenty years younger and both as bad as each other he recalled.

Will ran his hand through his beard, "I never thought I would be the grown up in this relationship," he muttered.

Tom nodded, "I know what you mean, this isn't something I ever thought I would be doing for the Captain." Shaking his head Tom continued, "I mean trailing around clubs and bars was my favourite pastime back in the day. A few wagers here a game of pool, maybe pick up some company for the night, but not her".

"She's hurting and a little bit lost Tom, Trust me this isn't self destruct level yet and if I have my way we won't get there", Will patted Tom on the shoulder trying to reassure him.

"Isn't the counselling helping her at all," asked Tom sadly as he turned to head out,

Will waved a hand in the air above his head, "Who knows, she doesn't talk about her sessions with me, but she never goes out after one."

Walking Tom to the door, he continues, "she is always here, at home those nights".

Tom shook his head sadly, "Is this what she was like after her Father died?".

A haunted look passed over Wills face, "oh no that was much worse and we're not going back there, I only got involved with Kate as she was beginning to come out of the darkest of it," Glancing sheepishly at the young pilot Will confided, "she had a couple of setbacks where the drinking was concerned, I probably didn't help much at the time to be honest, but her sister Phoebe set me straight one evening, told me about the first few months of her depression and said if I wanted to be part of the solution great, but if I was going to be a part of the problem she would break my legs."

Closing the door after thanking Tom once again, Will headed over to the bathroom to check on Kate, She wasn't there but the mirror was still steamy so she'd managed to stay awake long enough to have a shower, he found her curled up on her side of the bed wrapped in a fluffy grey towel, her hair still wet.

"Hey," Will said softly sliding onto the bed gently in case she was dozing, but she shifted and whispered a subdued "Hey" back at him.

"You can't keep doing this you know, it doesn't really help and you could end up in a bad situation, one that I can't get you out of" Will said gently.

Turning Kathryn eased herself up into a sitting position drawing her knees up to her chest, she hugged them close, her arms wrapped tightly around herself almost like she was trying to stop everything flying apart. "I know its self destructive, but I can't seem to stop,"

She slid down so her head was resting on his shoulder, her wet hair dampening his shirt. She was still warm from the shower and he could smell the citrus shower gel she used.

Then she started speaking, softly at first her voice full of sadness "I just want to be someone else for a few hours," she breathed out, her warmth caressing his neck.

"Someone who doesn't have to see a shrink twice a week, because her employer thinks she came back from the other side of the universe a basket case!,"

Bunching her hand in his shirt unconsciously she continued her voice dripping with pain. "Someone who doesn't have to look at herself in the mirror and see the faces of the people who didn't make it back,"

Shifting slightly she turned her face so Will could see the angry tears streaming down her cheeks, "I don't want to read about my crew, my family in the news over my morning coffee Will!"

She stood then and started pacing up and down the room, frustration and anger in every footfall.

Turning back to face him abruptly, she demanded, "Do you know every outlet has a different opinion on who the Captain slept with whilst in the Delta Quadrant!" Taking a shaky breath, "One of them even ran a god damn poll!"

She looked at the ceiling, trying to hold back tears, Will thought she was going to scream, but her voice just sounded defeated, "I'm fed up of being this, this thing under everyone's microscope!"

Will stood and took her by the shoulders, his long fingers digging into her warm flesh, he held her away from him slightly so he could look her in the eye, "STOP! Kate, If you think I'm going to help you stay at this pity party you're having for yourself you're wrong!".

Her eyes widened and something like fear passed across them, Will held her chin in his fingers forcing her to look at him, "As for not wanting to be yourself, you tried that years ago and it didn't work then, what makes you think its going to work now?"

Fingers gripping her arm, and his other hand holding her jaw in place so she couldn't avoid looking at him, he continued desperate to get through to her, "The only thing you actually risk doing at the moment is getting caught, giving those media vultures more fuel for the fire, is that what you want?"

Pulling away, Kathryn tightened the towel around her small frame, her face flaming. He was right, she knew it was risky, but she had lived on the edge for seven years, and wasn't sure she knew how to do normal anymore, but surely it would be better for her to take the battering of the Federation press than her crew. Picking up the now cold replicated coffee on the nightstand and sitting down on the end of the bed, she sighed, "You know it's a shame we aren't still married, now that would give the vultures something to talk about and perhaps shut them up about my bedroom activities."

Will felt the pit open in his stomach and put a hand behind his head absently scratching the back of his neck in a nervous gesture, Shit he thought, here we go.

A sardonic chuckle from Kate brought him up short, "Actually I'm surprised they haven't reported on the divorce, the records must be freely available by now and being so close to Voyager leaving it must have popped up on someone's research as odd." Raising her coffee cup like a champagne flute she announced grandly, "One dead fiancé, One divorce and numerous sordid encounters with crewmembers and aliens," sighing she looked a Will with an amused expression, her fingers cradled her cup gently, "god I sound like a modern day female version of Henry the Eighth," Pitching her voice in a childlike tone she paraphrased the old rhyme, "dead, divorced, shagged, it could be a whole new craze in the history classes, don't you think?"

Will crossed the room heading into the living area, wanting to get some distance between them, before he dropped his bombshell, he was honestly surprised she hadn't put it together already.

"Nah, wouldn't work," he drawled slowly, hand on the door, his blue eyes twinkling in anticipation of her reaction.

"I never filed the paperwork...Captain Riker." Her face was a picture one that would stay with him for years afterward, complete shock and astonishment, estimating he had about five seconds to get out of the line of fire, he pulled the door towards him, just in time to feel the coffee cup crash into the frame, splattering the cold liquid across the doorway.

Whistling to himself as he wandered down the hall he thought, even on several glasses of wine her reaction and recovery time was impressive, even if her aim was a little off.

But an angry Kate was exactly what she needed to be to pull herself out of this and if he had to deal with that then so be it, wouldn't be the first time.

Of course now he had a problem, she was occupying the only bedroom and that left him with the couch, Will was a tall man with a large frame, he was not built to sleep on couches.

Kathryn had stood behind the door, staring at her reflection for what seemed like hours, after Will had revealed his little secret.

She had seen red and simply reacted, halfway out of the bedroom to confront him, kill him or perhaps kiss him she wasn't entirely sure, she had seen something that stopped her dead. She looked deeper and yes, there was the awful blonde hair which did nothing for her at all, but it was the look in her eyes, she looked angry, scared and lost.

Approaching the mirror she looked closer, reaching out with her long fingers she touched her reflection and whispered to her, "Are you still in there Captain, because I could really use you right about now,"

The woman blinked at her, she also had that awful blonde hair and her hand was raised their fingers touching, almost as if reaching across space from whatever universe inhabited the other side of that simple piece of glass. "I never left, you just resisted me Kathryn," the reflection whispered back. "Is it time to stop pretending now?"

Kathryn, pushed away from her reflection in the glass, Raking her hand across her face, she shook her head slightly. The blonde had to go, she looked like an idiot, thank goodness the press hadn't figured out who she was when she was dancing around town, from one bar to the next, one drink to the next.

Will was right those vultures would have loved that, but one thing was sure it was time to stop pretending,

"Alright Kathryn, no more nonsense, you are a mess, you got home and it wasn't what you thought it would be, so what are you going to do about it", rolling her eyes, she muttered darkly, "stop talking to yourself for one thing, or they will think you're a basket case."

Turning to her bedside cabinet, she opened the draw taking out the hair pigment regenerator, activating it she began brushing it through the pale blonde strands, gradually the blonde was replaced by her own auburn locks, checking her reflection once more she gave her whole head another once over, bringing the vibrant red colour back where it belonged.

Slipping out of the bedroom, she realised it was later than she expected, the moon was high in the night sky and its glow illuminated the living space, a sofa and two chairs were arranged around a wooden coffee table, one of the chairs had been moved so it made a cot of sorts opposite the sofa. Will was sleeping, his long legs propped on the chair, his body squashed at an odd angle on the sofa, he had replicated a pillow and blanket and was snoring gently, his head on one side, arms crossed over a bare muscled chest.

Kathryn approached him quietly, for the last month he had looked after her, made sure she ate, made her appointments on time, let her sleep in his bed and share his space, he never demanded anything more than what she was able to give. The first two weeks she had hidden out from everyone, spoken to no one, barely even said two words to him.

The first time he saw the blonde hair he looked worried and she brushed him off with excuses about her red hair being too distinctive, in truth that was only part of it, the Captain had red hair and she wasn't a Captain any longer, no ship, no crew, no point.

The Captain didn't have any place here so she had to be someone else. Yet every time she looked there she was, Captain Kathryn Janeway.

Until tonight when Will told her she was still his wife, then she saw in the mirror what she had become, an angry frightened shell of a person, neither Captain nor Kathryn just someone lost in the glass, accept Will still saw her, the woman she used to be.

Gradually she let the towel slip from her fingers landing with a soft thud on the carpeted floor.

Slipping under the blanket she joined him, placing one slim leg over his she eased one hand over her head ducking under his rather heavy arm, she rested her head on his chest, Will always slept like a dead person the only thing to wake him would be a red alert klaxon or a naked woman lying next to him, Kathryn was quietly counting off the seconds in her head, three, two, one...

Wills fingers registered the smooth skin first, cool like glass. Then the unmistakable presence of a limb resting across his legs, that too appeared bare. Opening his eyes he looked down, the white glow of the moonlight revealing a head of auburn hair, a small white hand with long delicate fingers was tracing small circles on the curls of hair on his chest, and he felt a gentle puff of warm breath across his right nipple causing him to inhale sharply. "Kate," his voice husky from sleep, "I hope you know what you're doing,"

Kathryn, looked up at him her grey blue eyes alight with mischief and something else, something he had never seen when they were like this with each other, apprehension. She was nervous, her teeth grazed his now pointed nipple as she hummed out her reply, causing his breath to hitch even higher than before, "I am about seven years out of practice, so no promises," she murmured.

Will was slightly taken aback, "Kate, who was the last person you slept with?",

Her eyes clouded and she caught her bottom lip in her teeth, "An actual living breathing person?", Will snorted, "Yes Kate a living breathing person, I don't think necrophilia is your thing."

Lifting herself slightly to smack him for his cheek, he caught her hand and raising her fingers to his lips he kissed each fingertip lightly before gently nipping the skin on the inside of her wrist.

A shot of white hot desire raced straight through her, he could see her pupils dilate, "You," she breathed, "that night before Voyager shipped out, that was the last time Kathryn slept with anyone."

Oh Kate, he thought struggling to keep the abject sorrow he felt for her off his face, she didn't need his pity right now. Will's mind tried to wrap itself around just how, a beautiful sensual woman like Kate had been able to endure seven years without close human contact, without an intimate touch, he couldn't imagine how lonely she must have been. He knew how good she was at compartmentalised thinking, but it seemed she had boxed Kathryn up too along the way.

From her response she had perhaps resorted to holodeck characters, it would have taken a bit of reprogramming something she was quite capable of, the technology was good but not perfect. It would have been like eating your favourite meal but it not being quite satisfying enough, always leaving you wanting more, like slow torture.

Tears sliding down her pale cheeks, "I don't know what I'm doing anymore," she whispered, "I don't remember how to be anyone else but her," Closing her eyes, her breathing slowing, she was exhausted the simple effort of fighting off the Captain everyday for the last month was destroying her.

Gazing at her, Will lifted her hand to his mouth he gently kissed and nipped the inside of her wrist again, "That always used to drive you crazy, do you remember?" Eyes open wide now she nodded, unable to speak, her breath caught in her throat.

Will's eyes dropped to her lips, "I want to kiss you," Looking back up at her he continued, his eyes never leaving hers, he told her what he wanted, watching her eyes grow darker and darker with need, "I want to feel your lips on mine, breathe the same air you do, I want to taste you," Her eyes were fixed on his mouth, drinking in each word like someone starved of water.

A desperate whimper escaped from between her lips as Will gently lowered his mouth to hers, moving his soft mouth oh so slowly over hers he swallowed the sound, "Breathe Kate," Will smiled against her, "Or you're going to pass out," Placing his hand on her chest above her breasts he pushed gently, slightly massaging her chest to try an ease some of the tension in her body, a shaky breath escaped followed by an equally shaking inhale.

Will lowered his forehead, till it was touching hers, "Let me show you yourself Kate, I remember you." Gently touching his lips to hers in a ghost of a kiss, his thumb caressing her cheek, fingers tangling in her hair...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> To Be Continued....


	4. Beating Heart

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Note : M Rating is for this one. Absolutely no plot advancement at all, just fluff.
> 
> The original, departure scene hinted at in the last few lines of Chapter 1 is revisited here from Will's POV.
> 
> With the kind assistance of Beating Heart by Ellie Goulding, strongly recommend listening to it.

Will woke slowly the morning light peeking through the window, casting striped shadows across the woman lying next to him. She was burrowed into his chest, one arm tucked around him and he could feel a leg thrown over his.

Kate had always been tactile, what she couldn't say with words she said by touch, a hand on a shoulder, caress of an arm were the basics but when it came to lovers she was a full on limpet, she had to be touching some part of you all night long.

When he had suggested she stay with him after she left New Zealand, there had been no thought to the sleeping arrangements, they had always shared a bed and it had been seven years, they were both adults after all.

But that first night had been awkward, Kate had forgotten how to share her personal space with anyone, so whilst the basic friendly touches were still evident anything more was tightly controlled. She spent the night on the furthest edge of the bed, with her back to him. Her shoulders the next morning were so stiff she could barely move her arms. Will didn't comment on her frankly odd behaviour, although it troubled him greatly

Thinking back to the revelation that Kathryn hadn't slept with anyone since Voyager left took him back to that last night.

Grinning at the memory he thought, she truly was a dreadful cook even with a replicator, that hadn't changed if anything it had probably gotten worse.

But the moment she signed that padd, ending their marriage a small part of him wanted to grab her, hold tight and never let go. Will let his thoughts drift remembering their last night together.

* * *

_She was magnificent and he couldn't stop himself reaching out to touch her, she didn't push him away as his fingertips grazed her jaw, she drew closer her soft lips touching his, he clearly remembered asking her if she was sure and her answering kiss was all the permission he needed..._

_His hands released her hair from that oh so functional knot she always wore it in, cascading down her back like waves of fire, god he loved her hair. Moving his hands so he could run his fingers through the length of it._

_His lips moving across her jaw to that point between her neck and shoulder that always made her gasp, smiling when she did just that. They knew each other so well, every touch, every gasp was their own language._

_Her small hands in his hair, her nails scraping the sensitive skin at the nape, she was breathing heavy, biting her lower lip to keep from making another sound._

_Will smiled again, such control, he always delighted in making her lose herself when they made love, he thought she secretly liked it too._

_The small sofa really wasn't suitable for what he had in mind, he stood, drawing her up with him. Their difference in height forcing her arms to stretch up around his neck, allowing him to glide his hands from her narrow waist up under her breasts, eliciting a sharp hiss of desire from her._

_Leaning to capture her lips in a hot kiss her tongue slipped into his mouth, her fingers bunching his uniform at the shoulder in an effort to get even closer._

_His fingers found the edge of her tank top and peeled it over her head forcing her to break contact giving Will valuable recovery time, she was on fire tonight. His brain formed the thought hurriedly before he felt her backing him up to the wall, whilst unzipping his jacket seeking skin beneath._

_Reaching out, his fingers slipped down her arm, grasping her long delicate fingers, "Slow down Kate" he murmured, her fingers faltered and he took the opportunity to grasp them bringing her wrist to his mouth kissing the tender flesh and gently biting down, "If this is going to be the last time," he murmured "I want to enjoy you,"_

_Kissing her wrist again, his other hand sliding behind her head, "Before you leave tomorrow, I want you to fly apart in my arms, I want to feel your heartbeat explode out of your chest."_

_Kathryn inhaled sharply as his teeth grazed her wrist, his words turning her eyes into orbs of night, her pupils dilated so he could barely see the grey blue at their edges._

_Will slowly peeled the remaining clothes from her warm body, taking his time kissing and touching each piece of skin as it was revealed, By the time they were gone she was trembling with need, clinging to him just to stay upright._

_Scooping her up he carried her to the bedroom, pushing her down on the Starfleet issue bedding in her quarters on DS9 felt decidedly dirty, he smiled a wicked little smile as he dropped soft kisses up her leg, enjoying the soft moans coming from her mouth._

_When he reached her centre, she stiffened slightly in anticipation, her fingers gripping the sheets._

_Blowing gently across her wet heat had her arching her back, desire flooded Will's mind, god he wanted to be inside her._

_But not yet._

_Using his tongue he worked her clit, swirling around, using his teeth to graze her and curling a long finger inside her almost made him falter, she was so wet._

_A few more strokes of his tongue and Kathryn mewed out his name as she came hard, his mouth continued to nip and suck at her, his other arm holding her hips down on the bed to keep her from bucking him off. "shhhh," he whispered "its okay ride it out Kate, stay with me,"_

_She was gasping for air, her hands gripping the bedsheet so tight her knuckles were white, her body wracked by her orgasm._

_Not giving her time to recover, He flipped her onto her stomach, ignoring her mumbled, "can't yet it's too much" he lay across her back whispering "yes you can", as he slowly entered her from behind, his vision exploded, she was so hot and tight._

_Oh so slowly he withdrew almost fully once again sliding back into her, making her groan deeply._

_Withdrawing slightly had her panting and writhing under him. "Up on your knees, Captain," he ordered, supporting her as she obeyed without hesitation. Leaning towards her ear, he spoke in a low voice full of intent. "You are so wet Kate, I know how much you want it," Gripping her hips in his large hands he positioned himself at he wet core, "I'm going to fuck you so damn hard you won't be able to sit in that command chair without thinking about this moment."_

_Then he slammed all the way into her, so deep her inner walls clenching around his shaft. She groaned loudly, "please," she gasped sobbing out a ragged breath " Ohhh I can't."_

_Pumping her hard and fast while she begged him to make her come, sobbing out her desperate need for release her body slick with sweat, her juices running down her legs he slid his fingers under her until he found her centre, the hard little nub just needed a slight flick and, she was lost, she came again, sobbing in his arms her legs gave way and she crumpled under him._

_Gathering her shaking frame, Will tenderly brushed the tangled hair from her eyes._

_Tears on her cheeks mingling with the sweat on her face, she was a mess he thought but she was still beautiful._

_A while later her breathing slowing, the tremors from her orgasm still sending small shock waves shivering through her. Will pulled the covers over them both, caressing her, drawing her closer, he pulled one slim leg over his hips, his erection still painfully hard, slipping easily inside her he groaned, her eyes fluttered open in surprise._

_He rocked slowly in and out of her slick folds their eyes locked on one another. His breathing laboured now he didn't have long, couldn't hold back. But he wanted to see if she had one more, just one. He could tell by her face she didn't think so but was enjoying the intimacy the closeness._

_Finding her hand between their moist bodies, he drew it to his lips, his teeth grazed the inside of her wrist , her breath hitched and he smiled as he twisted his hips changing the angle of his thrust._

_A small "oh yes," escaped from her lips, eyelids closing. "Open your eyes Kate," He whispered as he twisted again, he could feel the tension building, "Ahhhhh," she moaned her grey blue eyes fixed on his "I can't not again, please ohhh god please, no, ohhh," she was almost incoherent._

_He didn't have much left but he had wanted to watch her fly apart, a final few twists and he was groaning with her, her walls fluttering around him as he came, "Come with me Kate."_

_Thrusting into her, milking his orgasm, he watched through hooded eyes as she exploded in his arms, her nails digging into his flesh, forgetting to breathe, crying out in a soundless scream. Her eyes so black they were unable to focus, as she passed out._

_In the morning she would be gone, an old fashioned paper note on the table._

_Dearest Will,_

_Your beating heart ,_

_The best of what is left of us._

_Thank you for last night, for everything._

_Always,_

_K_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> To Be Continued....


	5. Secret Seven

Chakotay paused in his reading to look up at the woman in front of him, Seven was sitting across from him her long fingers curled around a padd a look of intense displeasure on her face.

"What is it Seven?" Chakotay asked, "You look like you've just been asked to eat Neelix's Leola root casserole "

"I do not understand the human preoccupation with conjecture Chakotay," she said the displeased look morphing into puzzlement. "What is it about gossip that so captures the imagination, surely accuracy is more important than entertainment?"

Chakotay sat back resting his book across his lap and focusing on the blonde woman opposite, In the few months since their release she had taken to wearing her hair loose around her shoulders, he often found her playing with the ends as she was reading in a purely unconscious gesture. When he mentioned it she stopped and looked at her own hand as if it had taken a life of its own, clearly not realising she was doing it, this seemed to unnerve her, so Chakotay stopped mentioning it along with other things he noticed.

Seven would occasionally hum to herself when helping him prepare an evening meal, it always made him smile. But whilst she was quickly developing these very normal human habits and idiosyncrasies, some facets of human behaviour failed to make any sense to her, such as gossip.

There had been plenty of gossip on Voyager of course, the rumour mill was an endless source of entertainment, food for Tom Paris's betting pools and at times caused the command team no end of trouble. But on a small ship along way from home Seven had concluded that perhaps it was simply that there was not enough external stimulation for the crew, so instead they engaged in idle speculation.

But on their return to Earth, she quickly realised that the Voyager gossip was very very different to a world wide media microscope, that had every news outlet and journalist clamouring for information on the crew. The quarantine in New Zealand had shielded them for several weeks, but once they were released and out in the public, it was almost impossible to stay away from it.

After all the typical stories had been run, some questionable sources began to report on rumours and frankly some were ridiculous. Saying so to Chakotay, Seven began to read what she had found on the news feeds that morning.

**B'Elanna, 25%**

**Chakotay, 70%**

**Doctor, 2%**

**Unknown Alien 25%**

**Ransom, 5%**

Chakotay, laughed at her expression when she read his name, she looked so shocked. "I dread to think what this is Seven, but it must be truly horrendous judging by the look on your face".

Seven stopped reading and looked up at him, "Its a survey of all the readers, they had to select a minimum of one or maximum of three names from a very long list, in order of priority."

"Priority of what?" he chuckled "Who ate the most leola root? No wonder I've scored so highly as a vegetarian it was a reasonable assumption that I ate a fair amount of it."

"No Chakotay," quietly Seven explained, "this is a poll to see who the Captain was intimate with, you score higher than most, but there is no basis for this line of reasoning, there has been no research or evidence provided to support the premise." Stopping realising Chakotay had not responded she looked up at him.

Chakotay had flatly refused to read any of the news reports knowing Voyagers return would create a frenzy, but Seven read everything so this line of reporting was not, as it were news to her.

"Read it," was all he said,

When Seven hesitated, he repeated "read it Seven" in a tone he had never used with her before, dangerous, cold, so she began to read.

* * *

**So VOYers, we have have the results of last weeks poll, thousands of entries from across the planet and as many predicted our delectable Captain Janeway has been a busy woman in the last seven years. But first a bit of history for our new readers.**

**Kathryn Janeway, Born 20 May 2336 old calendar, to Admiral Edward Janeway and his wife Gretchen Janeway.**

**Our Starfleet Princess entered the Academy at age 18, Graduating and taking an assignment which would see her working with such illustrious names as Admiral Owen Paris and Kyle Riker - Yes media fans the father of our very own William T Riker of the Starship Enterprise.**

**But what about lovers, well our Voyager Vixen had an early tragedy in that department, Whilst on a mission with Admiral Paris to Cardassian territory she and the Admiral were captured, held for 3 weeks in a cardassian prison, beaten and tortured.**

**Admiral Paris suffered greatly at the hands of the Cardies, Whilst Ensign Katie Janeway, was a guest of the garrison commanders and dear readers we can only guess what went on there, but having such a dreadful experience at such a young age, don't forget she could have only been 22 years old, would have had an effect on young Kathryn's ability to form stable relationships for many years.**

**Alas dear readers this is not the only tragedy to befall our hero**

**In true Starfleet Princess form, Ensign Janeway and Admiral Paris were recovered by a team of Starfleet Rangers and one obviously caught her eye, a young Lieutenant Justin Tighe.**

**Yes friends, the two fell deeply in love and were engaged to be married, perhaps dear Kathryn felt that with her Ranger by her side the cardassian demons wouldn't be able to haunt her - But this reporter has sources which suggest even after many months of counselling she was unable to fully be with her new love.**

**How would this bode for a successful marriage you ask, Well sadly it wasn't to be.**

**Within a year both her father; Admiral Edward Janeway and her fiancee Lieutenant Justin Tighe died in a shuttle crash, testing a new design - Kathryn was the only survivor.**

* * *

Seven paused and glanced at Chakotay, His eyes were dark with rage his fists balled on the arms of the chair, They make her pain sound like some victorian tragedy," he growled out. "All for sport and entertainment," he rose pacing the room like a caged animal.

Seven was struggling to rationalise his reaction, yes the reporter was using provocative language creating an image of Captain Janeway that did not completely fit with the woman Seven knew today, but from her personal research the facts were not wrong, Captain Janeway had been held by the cardassians and the techniques used on prisoners for the extraction of information or even their simple pleasures was well documented and the collective had assimilated enough Cardassian ships to know. Also her father and fiancee had died in a shuttle crash, whilst Kathryn had not.

What was not documented enough to provide sufficient evidence for the second part of the article was what had happened on Voyager, it was all conjecture and supposition...wasn't it, Seven reflected quickly that Chakotay and the Captain had been close, he was mercilessly protective of Kathryn Janeway or at least he had been, she could not recall when he had last seen her, which seemed strange given they had spent everyday of the last seven years together.

Seven picked up where she had left off her clear voice echoing across the room to Chakotay.

* * *

**Let us fast forward some 12 years to Captain Janeway taking command of the USS Voyager, on a mission to the Badlands to retrieve the notorious bad boy Captain Chakotay and ex fleet commander who had defected to the Marquis some years before. Now dear readers I know you are not blind and have to agree that Chakotay is indeed a beautiful specimen, so we can hardly blame our hero for noticing something we ourselves are acutely aware, the man is hotter than Vulcan!**

**Janeway has been thrown halfway across the galaxy, separated from her then current fiancee, Professor Mark Johnson. Who we have it on good authority never got over her disappearance, eventually settling with his current wife after reluctantly admitting Janeway was lost along with all hands.**

**So dear friends, what is a lonely Captain to do out in the dangerous Delta Quadrant, well according to you my friends she did quite a lot, or rather she did quite a few, if you take my meaning.**

**Top of the list is the delicious Commander Chakotay, who in our estimation kept the Captain, well lubricated, ahem; with her favourite beverage of course. But some of you believe that the delightfully dangerous B'Elanna Torres; Voyagers Chief Engineer may have had a hand in keeping the Captain and her ship well oiled for the long journey home.**

**Phew...Is it hot in here... Until next time VOYers.**

* * *

Chakotay was incandescent with suppressed rage, he knew enough about slander to realise that the reporter had been very clever with her words, there was nothing in that pack of garbage that could be strictly called a lie and yet, the closing paragraphs were so inflammatory. He wondered if Kathryn had seen it yet or B'Elanna for that matter. Snatching the padd from Sevens surprised hands, he scowled at it, it seemed the reporter in question was running a series of articles, "huh, articles, that's a stretch", he muttered.

"What are you looking for," Seven asked him, surprised by his rudeness.

"Do you suppose B'Elanna has seen this crap!" Chakotay looked up at her.

"I imagine so," replied Seven, "It was Tom who sent me the article." Continuing, "They apparently find it highly amusing, B'Elanna says she shouldn't have settled for Tom afterall and should have held out for the woman in the big chair."

"Tom on the other hand believes it gives him something called Kudos points," Seven seemed to be unsure of this phrase, but continued on as Chakotay's face indicated he was nearing an explosion, "to be involved with the woman who kept the Captain running so nicely." Seven finished in her usual deadpan way albeit now looking slightly awkward.

Chakotay slammed the padd down so hard it almost cracked, "Typical bloody Paris! Again with his schoolboy humour, and I notice there is no mention of her association with William Riker."

Seven sat down and simply looked at him, "Your reaction is out of proportion to the information in this report, and how did you know about the Captains connection with Commander Riker?"

"Why, why would that rag not mention Riker," he said the name with a sneer not really listening to Seven "oh they definitely have history" muttered Chakotay, "he picked her up from the quarantine centre in New Zealand and she has been living with him, but never once in seven years has Kathryn ever spoken about him"

"Humm" said Seven, "according to some of my research they were at the Academy around the same time..."

Chakotay stopped pacing like a man possessed, eyes narrowed , "your research, what do you mean, what else have you been researching."

Seven looked up, "well, according to evidence available to me; the percentages in this article are extremely inaccurate."

Not seeing his eyes darken, she continued "for example the likelihood of you and Captain Janeway having an intimate sexual relationship aboard Voyager is as low as 5%, and this is only when I take the New Earth variable into consideration."

Chakotay went cold, 5% even with their time on New Earth, Seven may not have a clue about a lot of things but one thing she was good at was statistics, all those years he had chased the woman, in a constant battle of will she won't she, he felt sure it was only a matter of time before they would become a couple. But after six years they were no further forward and then Seven had approached him, he was flattered, she was pretty and above all willing. Picking up Sevens voice again he realised she was still speaking.

"The likelihood of the Captain being intimate with one of our alien encounters or a holodeck character is higher, with Inspector Kashyk rating a 69% possibility, But as the poll does not have access to that information it would fall into the Unknown Alien category in anycase."

Chakotay was intrigued by this not only because he had the same opinion about Kashyk, but also the flush of a memory at some of Kathryn's last words to him in New Zealand, "why do you think that is Seven," he enquired nonchalantly.

Seven stopped and considered his question, "Captain Janeway is a strong independent woman, however I have observed that she seemed to be drawn to men who had the propensity towards control."

Chakotay thought about it and realised she was right, he wondered at this hitherto unknown facet of Kathryn's personality this could be a reaction to her treatment at the hands of the Cardassians in her earlier years, the loss of her father perhaps. He was surprised she had made it into the Captain's chair with something like this, which must have shown up on the barrage of psychometric testing carried out. But never other than with Kashyk had he been able to observe her, so he could have missed it.

"As for some of the other individuals listed they are simply too far fetched," Seven continued glancing at Chakotay, he raised an eyebrow indicating she should continue. "Captain Ransom, for example was not worthy of the processing power required to even disprove the idea."

Chakotay was shocked, "Seven why on earth would you do all that research, were you bored?"

"I presented my findings to Sally Garrison at our meeting yesterday," Seven paused wondering if she should reveal the information Sally had shared with her, "I was also given some unexpected information yesterday and wanted to speak to the Captain about it."

"Wait what!" he went still, eyes narrowing, "Who is Sally Garrison, what information and don't you dare speak to Kathryn about any of this research."

Seven appeared to sigh, she really was picking up some very annoying habits thought Chakotay, Seven continued as if speaking to someone extremely simple she tapped the padd indicating the name of the journalist. "Sally Garrison is the journalist writing this series of articles on The Voyager Vixen, I contacted her to discuss the inaccuracies in some of her work and she suggested a meeting."

Chakotay was stunned, "I'll just bet she did." Pulling his chair closer to her, he sat down so he could look her in the eye, "Seven you do realise this woman is a scavenger don't you, she doesn't care if what she reports is inaccurate, she only cares if it entertains her readers and gets her higher up on the press ladder. Her reports are not like the reports you used to submit to the Captain, accuracy doesn't matter."

Seven looked confused, "Which is why I opened this conversation with my query about conjecture; how is it that accuracy doesn't matter? What is the point of publishing anything if the information provided is wrong."

Placing his head in his hands Chakotay groaned, thinking this was why their relationship wasn't working, her simplistic childlike view of everything being black and white was exhausting. Rather than trying to explain he simply asked "what unexpected information did you receive."

"Well Sally asked me what I thought about Captain Janeway not being Captain Janeway at all." Seven was not prepared for the laugh from Chakotay's mouth.

"What!" He laughed out loud, "That's impossible of course she is Captain Janeway, who else would she be, Seven you've been had."

Seven thought this conversation would be so much easier if they were a collective, he would know what she knew and vice versa, instead having to impart this information verbally was time consuming.

"Chakotay is it not true that when a woman of Irish American decent marries she traditionally takes her husbands name and the Captain was raised in a traditionalist environment," raising a delicate eyebrow in a move reminiscent of Tuvok, Seven continued, "so it would stand to reason that when she married her name would change."

"Well yes," agreed Chakotay aware of the old custom, "but Kathryn never married Justin Tighe or Mark Johnson.

"No but this document," Seven pulled up a file on the padd and handed it to him, "states one Kathryn Janeway married one William T Riker almost a year after her father was killed."

"At first I thought Sally had made an error," Seven had initially thought the document had been forged and said as much, "but I can find no evidence of a divorce nor can I disprove this documents validity."

Chakotay stared at the information on the padd, spirits the pieces fell into place, the familiarity between them, the way she withdrew from him in the man's presence, his over protective shield that seemed to drop over her that day in New Zealand. It all made sense, checking the date it seemed Seven was correct, of course. Kathryn had married William Riker in 2359 almost a year after the shuttle crash, she was 24 years old, she would have been pretty vulnerable at that time.

But where did Mark Johnson fit in, had her relationship with Riker broken down, had she had an affair, no he didn't think so, there is no way Riker would have met her in New Zealand if she had been involved with another man during their marriage, why had she never mentioned being married. Kathryn had admitted to him she slept around before meeting Riker, a reaction to her father and Justin's death and it was something he simply couldn't rationalise about the woman he knew.

So exactly what hold did he have over her, so many questions circling his mind but the big one was who the hell was the woman he just spent the last seven years following into some of the most dangerous situations he had ever encountered, just who the hell was Kathryn Janeway and was Riker really a friend or was he a threat, Chakotay remembered feeling very uneasy about the man, maybe he should have trusted his instincts.

Suddenly Chakotay went ice cold, looking up at Seven with a horrified expression he asked carefully, "Seven, did you say you met this Sally woman yesterday and shared your research with her and she gave you this document?"

"Yes," nodded Seven,

"oh spirits, What have you done" Chakotay leapt up making for the comms panel across the room, he needed to warn Kathryn, he hadn't seen or spoken to her in months and he didn't know exactly where she might be but he had to try and warn her, she was about to become front page news...again.


	6. Time To Stop Pretending

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Note: Back to Kathryn for a bit, she may seem a little out of character here, but she is trying to leave the Captain behind, the tight control she held herself under for seven years is loosening.
> 
> Credit for some song lyrics "I'm gonna show you crazy," Bebe Rexha

Kathryn woke, she was alone but the faint warmth of the sheet next to her suggested she hadn't been that way for long. Stretching her limbs and deciding she wasn't quite ready to face the world just yet, she tucked the white sheet closer under her chin and curled up on her side face towards the door.

The noises coming from the kitchen suggested real coffee might be on the cards and sure enough a few minutes later the unmistakable aroma of fresh hot columbia invaded her senses, breathing in the beautiful scent had Kathryn in the most relaxed state she could remember in a very very long time.

Breathing out she felt herself unclench just a bit, a loosening of barriers she hadn't even known were still there.

Last night with Will had been a ride of high and low emotions, he didn't push her for anything more than she was able to give, but his gentle touches and soft lips whispering his memories of her; memories of them, from years ago had her shields dropping.

That version of her was still there, she just needed The Captain to get out of the way and let her out, and there thought Kathryn was the problem, she didn't know how to do that.

William Riker watched his wife from the doorway, he could see her wrestling with something, her smile turning to a frown as she grappled with a problem. Taking the mug of coffee to her he hoped to change the path of whatever thought was bothering her.

Leaning across the bed, he placed the mug on the nightstand behind her, which brought his lips inches from hers, "Well good morning", twinkling blue eyes met clouded grey and ignoring the slight dilation in her eyes, Will sat back, watching her, watch him. "I imagine you have some questions, I know I do."

She blinked, not expecting the morning to unfold quite this way.

Mentally preparing herself was something that required coffee, turning she reached out slender fingers and grasped the silver cup, bringing it to her mouth as her eyes slipped closed, she inhaled the warm coffee scented steam and a small sigh of pleasure escaped her lips, she instantly felt a calm descend over her mind, with a reverence he had rarely seen, she brought the cup closer to her parched mouth; humming with satisfaction as the hot liquid slipped past her lips, her tongue capturing every drop that dared escape.

Will watched; breathing was something his lungs seemed to have forgotten about, my god she was the sexiest thing he had ever laid eyes on.

Mentally slapping himself, William old man you are in a world of trouble, he thought, just watching the woman breathe was sexy as hell. As for watching her beautiful mouth as it made morning love to a mug of coffee, well that was simply intoxicating.

Kate he knew, had a way of drawing you in; like gravity. It was what got her into trouble whilst simultaneously inspiring the levels of loyalty shown by her crew on Voyager that boarded on devotion.

Kathryn's eyes opened to find Will watching her with an intensity that was almost forgotten, she was used to looks of blissful adoration, reverence, frustration, hostility even a little bit of fear but not this...this look of raw desire. Then it was gone, replaced by a slightly guilty smirk and she raised an eyebrow at him.

Having been caught Will, simply stated what was obvious "I never wanted to be a mug of coffee before, but I may just have to change my mind."

Kathryn laughed, taking another sip she winked at him over the rim of the cup. But then her face turned serious, she did have things that needed to be said.

Placing the mug in her palm and resting it on her lap, she looked up at him, "I'm so sorry about how things ended between us, I shouldn't have pushed myself at you the way I did, especially after signing the divorce documents, it wasn't fair and obviously confused things."

Unable to look him in the eye any longer, she dropped her gaze to the cup.

"I had intended to stop at one kiss, but I just couldn't walk away from you," This admission was given quietly, but with a certainty born of many hours of contemplation.

"The morning I left I was scared that if I woke you I wouldn't be strong enough to keep going and that wasn't fair either, so I left. Left you, the situation with Mark, the memories of Justin and Daddy of everything...well you know before, with the Cardassians. I had no idea we would get flung halfway across the galaxy a few days later."

"What happened with Mark?" Will asked gently, he had never understood why; after the disappearance of Voyager, the press had latched onto Mark, "It never came out that we were married you know."

Will tried to keep the bitterness from his tone, "All the focus was on the sad professor, who tragically lost the love of his life weeks before they could marry," It was something the historical romantics had gobbled up hand over fist, holo-novels had taken on a gothic tragedy style for months afterward.

Kathryn looked pensive, "I had my records sealed before I took Voyager out, I was going to try and capture the Marquis, if I was successful the media would be all over it and with the Marquis links to Cardassia someone was sure to go digging around and I just couldn't see myself living through all that again, especially if I didn't have you there, Mark didn't know anything about it, he never wanted to know what happened before we met, he said he spent all day looking at the past and he only wanted to look to the future with his Captain, he was obsessed with her."

Will nodded in quiet gratitude of the unintended favour she had done him in sealing her records. "now I understand why they never asked me about you, I should thank you."

"What happened when we didn't come back?" Kathryn asked

"When Voyager was overdue for its scheduled check in, several ships went to investigate, of course." Will shifted on the mattress getting comfortable.

"As you know there was nothing to find, but it was several months before the ship and all hands were declared lost." His eyes clouded at the memory, it had been a strange moment reading the notification that the search had been abandoned.

"I felt empty Kate, just nothing, It was shock of course, I didn't for one moment think in all those months that you wouldn't come home, it just wasn't an option."

Tears filled her eyes, pooling in her lashes, he smiled, "And I was right, because here you are." His fingertips brushing her cheek.

Taking a deep breath and releasing it and her with a sigh, "It was a media circus Kate, Mark was all over the news, interviews almost everyday."

Resting his head against the wall Will looked at her, "He claimed to be your fiancé, he was talking about losing the love of his life on every channel he could get on, I think he even wrote a book a few years in, The Captains Confidant or something cheesy like that,"

Kathryn nodded once as silent tears ran down her cheeks, she owed this man so much. Far more than she could ever give, he never stopped hoping, just as she had never stopped trying to get her ship home.

But she also owed him an explanation, "That doesn't surprise me, Mark wanted to get married," she said quietly drying her eyes.

"But probably only to get me into bed," she bit her lip, mumbling her next words, "We were never together like that,"

If Will was surprised at her words he did an excellent job of hiding it, "Do you mind me asking why?"

Kathryn sighed and flushed, "It's not because he was some kind of Saint if that's what you think, quite the opposite he was into some pretty kinky things actually,"

Seeing Will's worried expression she forged ahead quickly, "Oh no no erm, Mark was only really interested in The Captain, you know, he wanted me to err," clearing her throat uncomfortably she finished , "well he wanted me to dominate him in the bedroom preferably in full uniform, if you know what I mean."

Will's eyes widened, he hadn't expected that, whilst not a wholly unpleasant thought, the idea of Kate being in charge in the bedroom just wasn't what he knew of her, equals sometimes but generally she liked to be pushed around a little, oh she didn't roll over without a fight but she had always liked a partner who knew how to handle her desire to give up control occasionally.

The man he remembered from the news feeds had seemed quietly confident, scholarly, self assured but unassuming albeit enjoying his fifteen minutes in the spotlight a little too much for Will's liking.

But come to think of it, he had never heard him refer to Kate as anything other than Captain, "So you were stalling," he said flatly.

Kate's face shot up, "No! I never meant to..."

Will smiled sadly to let her know he didn't feel used, " I suspected as much, the man was too much of a mouse for you Kate, it never really made sense to me, the two of you, but what made you sign for the divorce that night?"

Now they were getting to the crux of the matter. Will began to explain his feelings and actions over the last seven years praying to any god that would listen, she would forgive him.

He spoke quietly about how he spent the first few years she was missing guilt ridden because he hadn't submitted the divorce, but unwilling to do so for fear it would tarnish her reputation somehow.

Then the crushing pain when Voyager was officially declared lost with all hands, he had attended her funeral watching as Mark was giving back to back interviews about a woman he plainly didn't know at all, "it made me sick to my stomach, Kate."

But he confessed he said nothing because she had signed for a divorce, so he could only assume she wanted to marry the man, that she had loved him and Will would protect her alive or dead, he wouldn't do anything to upset the way the world saw her.

But the way the world saw her didn't fit with his Kate, the woman who had spent her last night with him in her quarters on DS9, giving herself to him body and soul before vanishing into the delta quadrant like smoke and taking the answers to all his questions with her.

"I could never understand what happened that night, I thought you were saying goodbye, but ah, I don't know anymore Kate, I've questioned myself so many times I no longer remember any of the answers I tried to make fit, but if you weren't going to marry Mark, if you didn't love him..."

Kathryn reached for him through fresh tears as the last seven years of anguish and confusion poured, "I'm so sorry, she choked out, "I thought I was doing the right thing."

"I had to let you go," her fingers digging into the flesh of his thigh, watching the despair on his face, "we were going in different directions and I couldn't keep holding on to you, I wanted to set you free Will, free to love, marry, be the best of us."

Will remembered that line from her note, the words were engraved in his memory.

Releasing him, she sat back, "I was so broken Will, after Utera II and the Cardassians, Justin, my father everything, I couldn't stand the thought of loving and losing someone else, we tried for three years to make our marriage of convenience work, It wasn't your fault I fell for you, I tried not to, tried to keep you at arms length, but I couldn't keep you out, so I just kept running."

She was babbling now trying to get everything out before she shut down.

"I thought if you accepted Mark and I it would be easier, but it wasn't, that night on DS9 I fell even harder, no one has ever made me feel that way, no one can get past the barriers I put up, hell they don't even know they're there half the time, I have them so well cloaked."

Gathering herself, she threw him a small crooked smile, "you always saw me, you always saw Kate, not Kathryn not The Captain, just me, always over thinking, loco, maniac, psychopath, mental, out of my brain, bat shit insane Kate,"

Dropping her head towards her lap she closed her eyes and whispered "Oh god! I'm driving myself crazy loving you."

Will's mind was spinning, she didn't know, bloody fool woman had no idea, she still thought it was all made up a fabrication. She had no clue how he felt about her, no clue she still felt that way about him. She was even confusing the tense when she was speaking one moment speaking in the past and then the present.

Taking her now cold mug of coffee and placing it on the nightstand next to him, he pulled her forcibly across his body, he looked into her eyes, "Kate you are one of the most stupidly intelligent, infuriating and yes bat shit insane women I have ever met; but so help me I fell in love with you years ago, why do you think I kept missing our appointments to sign the divorce?"

Kathryn's face must have registered her surprise, "I never really thought about it, I was just relieved I didn't have to come up with an excuse not to sign it,"

Will rolled his eyes, earning him an elbow to the ribs, "that night I realised I didn't want you in a relationship with Mark Johnson, I didn't want Captain Janeway, So help me I didn't even want you to leave on Voyager, the moment you signed that padd, I just wanted my wife back, when you let me touch you, I just wanted to show my wife Kate Riker, how much she was loved."

Pausing, Will carefully caressed her lips with his and whispered against her mouth, " how much she is still loved,"

Kathryn felt light headed, her mind trying to wrap itself around what she was hearing, He loved her, actually he still loved her!

Kathryn's body was betraying her at every turn. Will's hands on her waist were warm, his firm fingers applying just the right amount of pressure, his lips were setting her on fire, his tongue was tasting hers. "It worked you know," she mumbled.

"Hummm" came Will's reply as he moved to her neck, "What worked?" , his teeth gently biting on her earlobe making her shudder.

"Every damn time I sat in that command chair I thought of you," Kathryn flushed even now at the memory, "it was very hard to concentrate for the first few months," hell she thought, it was hard to think now, his mouth was doing amazing things to her ability to think straight.

Will chuckled hotly into her ear, "That was kinda the point, but you were only supposed to be gone a few weeks, I wanted you frustrated and horny as hell by the time you got back." Kissing her deeply, Will rolled them both til he was looking into her grey blue eyes, "If it's any consolation, It wasn't easy to dock at DS9 without remembering the feel of you under me,"

Kathryn moaned softly feeling the telltale tension low in her abdomen, "Seven years of frustration remember Mister, if you're not careful I'll lose myself just listening to you."

"Uh huh," Will drawled, fingers stroking her hair, placing lazy kisses across her collarbone. Stopping suddenly he drew back, "I want to take you out for breakfast, walk through the city holding your hand and steal kisses from you at every corner, what do you say to that Mrs Riker?"

Kathryn was slightly taken aback, she knew what she wanted and it was definitely something more horizontal.

Will watched her eyes and saw the shadow cross them, "Kate, If I make love to you now, I don't think either of us will be able to leave this bedroom for the next three months." Smiling Will continued, "They'll find our bodies here because we won't stop to eat"

Kathryn snorted at that, "Wouldn't be the first time I've forgotten to eat, food is overrated."

"It's time to stop hiding," Will brought her fingers to his lips, "Kate Riker needs to find out what she has missed the last seven years and your husband wants to show you off."

Kathryn felt the Captain within her bristle at his assumption she was hiding and at the presumption she would take his name, but she stamped on the feeling, thinking to herself, you wanted to feel like Kate again and maybe a change of name wouldn't be such a bad thing.

"Alright, but I have a condition." She looked him square in the eye.

"I'm listening," Will said warily.

"Take me dancing," her eyes sparkled, "I want your hands on me and dancing with you is the closest I can get to sex with my clothes on." Will groaned.

"Woman, what are you trying to do to me"

Kathryn laughed as he pulled her to standing "payback for the chair perhaps."

As they readied themselves for the afternoon trading soft touches and sharp quips neither noticed a waiting message on the com link, the message from Tom Paris was left unread, as the door to their quarters closed behind there laughter the com link sounded again with an incoming news story... **VOYers : The Voyager Vixen's Secret Revealed.**

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> To Be Continued....


	7. The Truth Will Set You Free

As the story of The Voyager Vixen was breaking across the com screens of San Francisco, Mark sat at the bar nursing a drink. Another fight with Carla had seen him storm out of their house, take a transport to the city and end up wherever here was.

They only seemed to fight these days, actually they only seemed to fight since Voyager and her Captain had returned. Carla had always had an issue with her, it had taken years for her to get to the point that she didn't think she was second best to the Voyager Captain.

Ever since the news was received that the ship was in fact lost in the Delta Quadrant, Carla had been on edge. Each news report was scanned and picked apart. The letter he sent to the Captain had been a major source of contention between them and Mark was continually bolstering up her fragile confidence in their marriage, her confidence in him.

He sighed, the last few years had been exhausting, Carla was not The Captain, no way in hell would he have had to be the one in command all the time if she was. He could have concentrated on his writing and teaching. Instead the bloody Marquis took his Captain, his future away from him, oh how he hated them.

All the stories about her bedding her crew and aliens were of course complete rubbish, the woman he remembered and who had featured in his book was fully intent on marrying him, she was calm and controlled, confident and not given to flights of uncontrollable lust, he had never managed to get her to take him to bed the whole time they were together, not something he had fully admitted to in his book as that would have been just too personal, instead he had drawn out her clear need to be the one in charge. As a Captain in Starfleet at such a young age that was to be expected, but also their emotional connection and her devotion to a life with him making it appear in parts that they had an active relationship, but without actually saying anything specific, Mark didn't call the book The Captains Confidant for nothing, some things were of course secret and in some cases even classified.

Behind him a table of women started chattering loudly, Time to go he thought it was getting to raucous in here.

Turning he caught sight of the holo screens and could see an image of Voyager's Captain and Breaking News scrolling across the bottom of the screen, What now he thought, Since they had been allowed to leave quarantine he had been trying to work up the courage to arrange to see her, but so far he had only seen a few press photos and no video footage at all. She looked older of course and had lost weight in the last seven years, but her steely grey blue eyes were as piercing as ever, cutting right to the soul and that voice - just as he remembered, that commanding tone bordering on seductive, he felt a shudder run through his body just thinking about it.

"No way!" One of the drunken women at the noisy table screeched, making Mark wince. "How could they be married she was stuck in the delta quadrant for seven years, it's got to be a hoax,"

Ears tuned to the conversation now, Mark eased himself off the bar stool

"That's what it says, look here's an image of the marriage document, looks the real deal to me"

Mark found himself wandering closer to the table, the three women were huddled around a padd and didn't notice his approach

"Well that's it," The first woman threw up her manicured hands a look of sad rejection on her face. "I give up, how can she get him whilst lost on the other side of the galaxy for seven years, when I can't even get a date with Ralph in logistics who lives down the street from me!"

Her blonde friend lent forward and patted her hand, "I guess it explains why The Commander was never caught though, if you had The Vixen notched on your bedpost anything else would be a total letdown."

Knocking back another shot, the brunette woman opposite jumped into the conversation, leaning forward as if imparting a secret, she raised her perfect eyebrows, "Yes but maybe he was just another notch in hers," curling her lips suggestively "if you know what I mean and maybe she broke his heart just like that other guy, Hey! You could always go look up The Commander and see if he needs consoling."

Manicure rolled her eyes, "Yeah like he would even let me in the door, What other guy?"

Blonde lent closer "You know the one she was engaged to the Professor"

Mark stopped dead, they were talking about The Captain and him

"Oh yes," manicure tapped a fingernail on the table, "but hang on how could she be engaged to that fella but married to Riker, that makes no sense unless she was fooling around with both of them."

"Sounds like she needed to break orbit fast," Brunette nodded decisively. "Maybe they found out about each other, or whatshisface Mike, Mark, yes Mark that's it. Maybe he found out she was still married and dumped her."

Blonde was shaking her head "No I don't think he knew, have you read his book?" She rolled her eyes, "Oh The Captain this The Captain that. But with an undertone of she's a total controlling bitch in the bedroom and I love it, honestly they way he wrote about her he had to have spent most of the relationship on his knees and enjoyed every minute of it."

Brunette snorted into her drink, "Yeah I read it, It was the biggest load of gagh ever written, Aye Aye look at that picture, now that's hot?"

They all huddled around the padd like witches, Mark backed away in a daze, he needed to access a comms station and find out what this was all about. Leaving the bar he took a look at his barings realising he wasn't actually far from his office so he headed in that direction, he could access his office terminal from there and see what the hell was going on.

* * *

A few blocks away B'Elanna was pacing, a fractious Miral on her shoulder.

"Hasn't she come back to you yet Tom?"

"No, and I don't think she has picked up the messages either," Tom sighed, "They are all still showing unread"

"Oh Kahless!" B'Elanna rolled her eyes. "Do you have any idea where she might be?"

"No clue, she was partying pretty hard the other night and I think Will said she had a counselling session coming up, but I don't know when that was, but I can't get hold of him either. I just hope they are together"

Rounding on him suspiciously B'Elanna looked at him, "Did you know Flyboy?"

Jumping slightly Tom instantly replied, "Know What?", Then grimaced knowing how guilty it made him appear.

B'Elanna rolled her eyes stepping closer, "Don't make me hurt you, did you know she was married, you knew her longest"

Running a hand through his hair Tom shifted uncomfortably, "No I didn't know that, I knew they had a thing though,"

"A thing!" hissed B'Elanna, trying not to jog Miral too much, she was finally settling down.

"Yeah a very intense thing," Tom placed heavy emphasis on the word intense, "It was just after her father and Justin died, she wasn't herself for a long time"

"Spill it " B'Elanna said, lowering Miral gently into her crib.

"It was a long time ago B," Tom shook his head, "and I only remember bits, mainly because my father was trying to get her to switch to command and he was worried her behaviour would reflect badly on her chances"

Settling into the seat opposite B'Elanna looked at him expectantly, "Well common you can't stop there"

"All I know is she suffered a period of severe depression initially, then when she did actually start to rejoin the land of the living she was a different person." Tom had a faraway look in his eyes and B'Elanna nudged him to continue, "she tried to leave Starfleet but my father never filed the paperwork, she drank a lot, mainly round the pool bars which is where she learnt to sink a set like I have never seen, but..." He stopped again unsure if he should reveal the final part of his story, worried it would taint the Captain in his wife's eyes, "I also heard she went home with a different guy or girl, sometimes both every night"

B'Elanna stared at him with her mouth open "Janeway! Are you serious"

"I never saw it for myself okay, I was still in the academy, but there were rumours and I know my father tried to talk sense into her once," Tom recalled returning home late one evening, coming face to face with the cold anger of his Father as his favourite student has stormed out of their house, "She was in the foulest temper I have ever seen, some Bajoran picked her up. I remember because he was pretty dodgy looking leathers and all and my Father went white as a ghost for a second, I didn't realise it at the time because it was all classified, but the look was very Cardassian and my Father knew what had happened to Kathryn on Utera II"

The image of a young Kathryn Janeway hooking up with a rough Bajoran after losing her temper with Admiral Paris, was not a easy one for B'Elanna to reconcile, "I knew Captain Janeway had been held by the spoonheads, it's in her public file, but what actually happened to her Tom."

Reaching for her hand, Tom gripped his wife's fingers, "I don't know exactly she never talked about it, at least not with me. My Father certainly wouldn't, but I overheard some things when my Father got home, he was a broken man,"

Tom rarely looked back on his childhood, it was full of disappointing memories of an absent Father, someone he could never quite measure up to. Sighing he realised how much he hadn't understood as a young man, "It took many years for him to become the person he is now, he used to have nightmares and wake screaming, leave her alone, she's doesn't know anything, sobbing I'm so sorry Katie, over and over."

"I feel sick" B'Elanna whispered, "I can imagine exactly what they did to her, something like that... well its a miracle she came back from it at all, those soulless petaQ, would screw their own mothers for no reason at all."

Tom felt a cold chill settle his heart, "Well for a while she seemed to be doing alright, lots of counselling before she could even get cleared back even wearing the uniform, and she had Justin of course but when he died it all turned to hell for her, until William Riker apparently."

"You've spent more time with them than me," B'Elanna said putting her head on one side, "What's Riker like, what is Captain Janeway like with him?"

Tom paused for a second, he'd never actually thought about it before, so the first word that came out of his mouth was a pure reaction to the question "Imposing." blinking in surprise at such a simple word to describe a very complex man, he tried to clarify, "well you know what he looks like, tall, broad shouldered a wall of a man, but it's more than that, he can takeover a room in a heartbeat not just physically, his whole mannerism is friendly but on the slightly dangerous side, as if he is waiting for you to do something stupid just so he has an excuse to take you out."

Tom laughed, " I wouldn't want to be on his bad side."

B'Elanna chuckled, "They sound similar, Riker and Janeway maybe that's why they stick together,"

Tom shook his head in disagreement, "No, there are similarities, but watching the two of them together, the only way I can describe it is like he is fire to her ice."

Tom looked out of the window behind B'Elanna, the bay was grey and the wind was picking up, a storm on the way. "You know how cold Janeway can be, Riker is the opposite, intense, focused. He is hyper aware of her all the time, watching them move around each other is hypnotic." B'Elanna was shocked as Tom's face turned more serious than she had ever seen it. "She never takes her eyes off him B, Actually they never take their eyes off each other - if she didn't seem so comfortable with him I would be suspicious."

A whispered question was all B'Elanna could echo, "Suspicious, How?"

Tom replied cautiously "Well you know what Chakotay told us about Seven's research," B'Elanna made a noise very like a growl in the back of her throat at Sevens name.

Tom gave her a look, "Her research is interesting and I never thought about it before but Captain Janeway did seem more drawn to the domineering type, remember Kashyk."

B'Elanna shuddered at the memory of all the inspections and damage to her engine room, "We all thought that was an act, but from what you are saying maybe it wasn't."

Raising an eyebrow, Tom agreed, "It would also explain why she never really took Chakotay's advances seriously."

"Huh, Chakotay is a fool and should have waited before jumping into whatever he is in with Seven." B'Elanna slumped in her seat with a dreamy expression on her face, "Chakotay worshiped her, the Captain could have done a lot worse."

Tom grinned, this was straight out of one of his wife's Klingon romance novels, "Exactly, he worshiped her, every look was like a religious experience."

Tom rocked back in his chair in amazement that she couldn't see it. "Think about it, If you just want someone who will slam you against a bulkhead you don't look for spiritual adoration. If giving up control is her thing, goddess level worship would not float her boat, no matter how many times Chakotay tried sailing on Lake George with her.

"Ah-ah, Standing she sauntered around to his side of the table, "I see you've given this some thought," B'Elanna settled into Tom's lap, her arms resting around his shoulders, "You think Riker's a slammer huh," B'Elanna asked slyly,

"Oh yeah," Tom winked at her, his arms circling her waist, "I can always spot a fellow slammer."

* * *

**VOYers : The Voyager Vixen's Secret Revealed.**

**Well my friends, we had been expecting to run the second part of our Voyager Vixen story, detailing the results of our poll, but as every reporter knows you have to go where the story leads you.**

**So how well do we know Captain Kathryn Janeway?**

**Well it turns out we don't know her at all and it seems neither did her crew!**

**Yes friends, here you have a woman, with a tragic past full of trauma, rise to be one of the youngest female Captains in Starfleet history, who gets stranded over 70,000 light years from home and against all the odds, rides a Borg conduit home to glory. It's a story written for the holovids.**

**But behind the hero is a secretive and likely severely damaged individual. Held at the hands of the Cardassians in her early twenties, must have shaped the type of person Janeway would become, certainly to come through that experience hints she is in no doubt a survivor. Had she not been struck by the double tragedy of losing her fiance and also her Father only a short while after, she may have escaped the person she is today.**

**Now some of us have read the book by her second fiance Professor Mark Johnson, The Captains Confidant. Where Professor Johnson describes a calm, confident yet controlled woman who seemed to dominate the relationship. None who have read his book can deny the regard Mister Johnson had for his fiance and as he tells it she for him. The bereavement he felt at the loss of Voyager is palpable in those pages.**

**But having interviewed a member of the Voyager crew, this reporter can reveal it seems unlikely Professor Johnson knew the real Kathryn Janeway at all. His book in light of this interview reads like a work of fiction rather than a glimpse into the woman herself. I have it on good authority that Janeway was in fact very drawn to a far more shall we say, forceful character. Which interestingly also rules out the delectable Commander Chakotay who by all accounts was nicely brought to heel by our Captain whilst in the DQ.**

**One alien encounter in particular which saw the Voyagers in a high stakes game of cat and mouse seemed to appeal to Janeway more than any other, a seemingly xenophobic military race calling themselves the Devore Imperium. Specifically one of their Inspectors; going by the name of Kashyk kept Kathryn occupied for several weeks, but it's the description of Kashyk that is interesting...**

**Humanoid, arrogant and ruthless with a need to establish a dominant position in any situation. Visually tall, sleek with pale skin and distinctive brow ridges, with a preference for black leather. Now to my colleagues and I the Devore race sounds startlingly familiar to the Alpha Quadrant Cardassians. Could it be that an impressionable younger Kathryn picked up an early appreciation for this type of humanoid species whilst a guest of one Gul Camet, yes readers we have been able to access previously unavailable information on Janeway's early life and career and will be releasing more on this aspect of her life over the coming weeks**

**But if you think that is all we have on this fascinating woman, you are mistaken, let's take a look at two items now.**

**I hope you're sitting down my friends because make no mistake this little nugget will blow your minds out of the nearest shuttlebay.**

* * *

His foot was twitching, the toe of his boot hitting the side of his desk making an incessant tap tap tap noise. Mark read frantically searching out information, god how he hated sensationalist style writing, just stick to the facts, this is why he was a history professor. Taking another long swallow from the glass in front of him, he continued reading.

* * *

**Look at this document, what do you see?**

**Yes its a Federation Standard Declaration of Marriage, but look closer what do we have here.**

**One Kathryn Janeway is married to one William Riker!**

**You notice I say "is married", that's no slip of the tongue my friends, I can reveal that we can find no evidence that this marriage has been dissolved, annulled or terminated in anyway whatsoever!**

* * *

Mark slammed his glass down on the table, sloshing the liquid across his desk, God dammit! She can't be married that would mean she lied to him, that she made a fool of him, his book would be a laughing stock, he would be a laughing stock, there must be another reason.

* * *

**But when did this wedding occur you ask, surely the joining of two such prestigious names would have resulted in a fanfare somewhere in the cosmos, no not even a whisper, nothing at all exists except this document and a single still image from around 2359. Riker was never interviewed following the disappearance of Voyager so we were never able to see his reaction to the loss...why was the marriage so well hidden?**

* * *

Mark asked himself the same question as the image appeared on his screen.

It was a still monochrome image, unusual enough to tweak his interest, no one ever took images in black and white anymore, still images were even rarer because holovids and moving images were so much more interesting.

But this image was dark, dangerous it showed a petite woman her back against a pale coloured wall, her upper body cast in shadow by the tall well built man leaning into her, his hand flat on the wall above her head, her hair was long and spread messily around her shoulders, his muscled frame was pinning her in place, a pale hand flattened on his chest, long slightly curled fingers gathering in his shirt belaying the impression she was attempting to push him away. Her eyes were locked on his face, an expression of cold angry desire showing in their depths. The man's expression was equally heated, but seemed to burn with an intensity Mark recognised from various news reports over the years.

The image was erotic to the extreme, Mark couldn't decide if they were going to tear each other apart or climb inside one another, but of one thing he was certain, that woman was definitely Kathryn Janeway and the man keeping her in place was indeed William Riker.

Returning to the last few paragraphs of the article had Mark choking on his drink.

* * *

**Where does this leave us my friends...Well we have been able to find out that Riker met Janeway in New Zealand and they left the facility together, but neither have been seen out in public since.**

**Obviously The Vixen has some explaining to do with her husband, seven years worth in fact along with the potential for a lot of first contacts, not least of all with this leather clad Inspector.**

**But then Riker hasn't been living in solitary, he has been linked with a string of women over the years, in his defence he believed the wife had been deleted as it were and was dead, lost with all hands, dear Kathryn had no such excuse.**

**What must their first night together have been like, the frosty silence of recrimination or passionate reunion - let's admit if that image is anything to go by they have an intense history.**

**As the image clearly reveals there is potential for some seriously heated action in the bedroom department, but consider friends if your first close encounters were at the hands of a Cardassian Gul, might your expectations end up on the darker side of submission...**

**Until next time ... VOYers**


	8. Chaper 8 - A Step Forward

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> OK - What exactly is Mark going to reveal? This is a bit open so suggestions are welcome.  
> Is he going to try and save his reputation and throw Kathryn under a shuttlecraft, claiming she cheated on him?  
> or Is he going to play his own game, claiming he knew about Riker and it was all part of The Captain's controlling personality having two men at her beck n call.  
> or is he going to do something else......

Oh she had seen it alright, yet another story about Captain Kathryn Janeway had hit the holo-screens only a few days ago.

The first ones were bad enough, all debating over who or what she had slept with whilst stranded in the Delta Quadrant.

Voyager was practically her personal space fairing harem

The second set of stories focused on her marriage and speculated on her sexual proclivities

But this third set had gone all out and dug up some of the worst moments in her life, reliving nightmares she hadn't experienced in decades had left Kathryn on a knife edge, if she didn't know better it was like those damn aliens and their experiments all over again, she hadn't slept in days, she was short tempered with Will and after yet another frustrating session with her counsellor this morning she was ready to go supernova, the councillor who quite honestly was a complete moron and if she had been allowed a phaser, she would have been tempted to stun the man and leave his office. Yes stun, she had kept telling herself throughout the hour long soul wrenching experience, although in the dark recesses of her mind she was sure a voice kept screaming, just kill him and be done with it.

Staring out of the windows at the stars above the bay her mind prowling like a caged animal, whilst across room William was on a video call with Starfleet Legal in an attempt to get some sort of injunction to stop the press releasing information, information that they could only be getting from inside Starfleet, somehow they had a leak, yet no one seemed interested in plugging it.

Kathryn heard the legal representative speaking softly to Will, explaining that freedom of the press was still very much alive and well in the Federation and unless they were reporting inaccurate information there was very little that could be done in that respect, the only avenue open was to try and find their source and cut it off, but as much of the information had in reality been reported on years ago at the time, it was already in the public domain. The press were simply rehashing the data and putting a new spin on it. Over two decades was a long time and they had a whole new audience, who were lapping up any and all information on the Voyager Captain.

Freedom of the press, thought Kathryn grinding her teeth in irritation, how I wouldn't like to give them a quick tour round the Delta Quadrant, just for a few weeks and see how they feel about freedom then, of course that would be difficult as she wasn't even allowed in a plantside shuttle, transporters only on the advice of her counsellor, yet another reason the man deserved the kill setting.

Will shut off the comm-screen and pushed his chair back with an angry grunt, "what a waste of time that was."

"Yes, well I could have told you that," Kathryn remarked coldly. "Starfleet Legal are only good for target practice" she growled,

"Along with counsellors?" Will remarked

"Don't humour me, I'm not in the mood for platitudes, that man is an ass!" the look she gave him would have worked on Voyager and would have sent even seasoned officers scurrying for their bunks.

But it had no effect on him at all, she had been blowing hot and cold with him for several days ever since he refused to allow her to leave their quarters to speak to the press herself. Radio silence he maintained was the best way to deal with them, give them absolutely nothing to work with, he had even contacted all of Voyagers Senior staff and told them the same and asked them to disseminate the order to every cadet and ensign on the crew - no one talks to the press, ever.

She had lost it when she found out the full extent of the message Will had sent, there was not a single plate or glass unbroken when he had told her, she had thrown them all, either at him or the walls. She didn't utter a single word, she just lobbed breakables at him like photon torpedos.

It had been B'Elanna that had finally managed to stop her, by turning up at their quarters with Miral and Tom. But that visit in itself had caused more issues but also the glimmer of a breakthrough, damn that counsellor and his ideas, maybe he was onto something she grudgingly admitted thinking back to the incident a few days ago...

* * *

The sound of breaking glass permeated B'Elanna's ears as she neared the door to William Riker's quarters, again and again glass smashing into the wall, "What the hell is going on in there, Tom passed Miral's carrycot to B'Elanna and hurried to the door, pressing the entry button, when nothing happened he shouted through the door, "Captain are you alright?"

Another dull thud and the sound of broken crockery echoed from the door, "Kathryn stop that," came Will Riker's voice, "You've made your point,"

Another thud and sounds of a scuffle ending in a bump just inside the door. "I said enough Kate!"

Tom looked worried, so B'Elanna banged on the door, "Open up Riker, we want to see the Captain now!"

"You've broken everything there is to break, so unless you're planning on replicating something else, you just need to accept this and let it go." Will's voice came through the door, "Now there are two worried people outside this door that probably think I'm beating the hell out of you, so how about you play nice and we open up eh?" The aforementioned door slid open with its telltale swoosh

Tom and B'Elanna viewed the scene, broken glass littered the floor, Riker had a small cut on his cheek, blood oozing from it, but it was already coagulating, suggesting this situation had been going on for a while. Pressed between his chest and the wall, was Kathryn, her right wrist trapped by his left in an iron grip above her head, a wine glass tumbled from her trapped fingers as she caught sight of Miral asleep in the cot at B'Elanna's side.

Shoving at Will's chest with her left hand she looked up at him with cold eyes, and in her signature husky tone said vehemently, "I'd phaser you before you could lay a hand on me."

"Don't I know it," he said bringing her hand to his mouth and gently caressing the inside of her wrist.

B'Elanna didn't miss the slight dilation of Kathryn's eyes, nor the way her breathing hitched as Riker allowed her to push him away from her body, she retreated to the far side of the room, two words echoing over her shoulder "Fuck you."

Tom and B'Elanna's mouths dropped open, then snapped closed.

Rolling his eyes Will shook his head slightly and smirked, "Later maybe"

Turning Kathryn regarded him coldly.

Shifting her gaze to their visitors, "I apologise, but I find I'm not in the mood for company right now, so I will leave you with the _Master_ of my fate, who I'm sure will tell you exactly how I am supposed to be feeling."

As their Captain uncharacteristically retreated to the other room Tom and B'Elanna exchanged a look, Will Riker inclined his head in a gesture inviting them inside. Glass crunching underfoot, Miral slept on oblivious to everything. She was a cute kid, Will had thought. Her Mother on the other hand watched him with open hostility.

Sometime later after Tom and B'Elanna had helped clear the copious amounts of broken glass from around the living space B'Elanna approached Will Riker "What the hell was all this?" She hissed so as not to wake the baby, or maybe to stop Kate from overhearing her, which was probably more likely.

"This?" Will shrugged, "Oh this was nothing, I learnt years ago not to have too many breakables around in Kate's presence, but if there are none it makes it difficult for her to vent how she feels. So I keep a happy medium"

You mean all this was the Captain?" Tom said dumping a load of glass into the recycler.

"Oh yes, she was really going for blood at one point", Will touched his cheek, " as you can see"

"Do you really expect us to believe that, I have never seen the Captain lose control like this before, What was it about?" said B'Elanna suspiciously, she was beginning to lose patience with the man in front of her.

Will smiled sadly, and therein lies the issue he thought. "The person you have just seen isn't the Captain you know, the person here right now is Kate Riker, my wife, part of her counselling is trying to get her to re-engage with that side of her life, the life of the woman not the Captain." Dropping heavily into a chair opposite Tom he continued, "when she feels overwhelmed she goes quiet, if she is plotting she will withdraw from me," looking at the Klingon woman standing over him, he gestured for her to sit, "that's the time to worry,"

"But when she gets angry," he smiled then, with a look very close to pride. "she throws things, she's a pretty good aim most of the time, it's unusual for there to be any shouting." Will's voice dropped slightly full of an emotion B'Elanna couldn't name. "Kate isn't a screamer, not in an argument. I imagine she didn't allow herself to throw things on Voyager, it's a wonder she didn't implode!"

Actually B'Elanna recalled their Captain had been a pretty dab hand at velocity, so perhaps she had been venting to a degree on all those trouncings she had given them on the holodeck.

"So why is she angry," asked Tom lowering himself into the chair by Miral's carrycot.

"Ah," Will had the grace to flush slightly, "that would be my fault, I overstepped a line I had failed to consider, but Kate can be," He paused trying to find the right word.

"Difficult," the woman in question supplied from the door across from them,

Tom and B'Elanna's heads whipped around at the sound. There stood Kathryn Janeway, steel grey eyes looking at them, her hair back to its signature auburn albeit slightly more tousled than she used to wear it on Voyager, she looked almost like herself, the only thing missing was the uniform but she was wearing what looked like a loose black jumpsuit, with a draped crossover three quarter sleeve top, a belt clinched in her narrow waist and a sleeveless longline waistcoat flowed to half way down her thigh, she looked effortlessly elegant.

Will's eyes glowed at the sight of her, "I was thinking pertinacious," as he held out a hand towards her. "but difficult works too."

When she didn't move from her spot leaning against the doorway, he dropped his arm and shrugged "you can give me the cold shoulder treatment as much as you want Kate, I'm not changing my mind on this."

Looking between the two of them, the tension was palpable, Tom thought Riker had the look of an unexploded volcano, he wasn't budging on his position, content to simmer and wait her out. Kathryn's expression was cold and hard, yet Tom could see how much strain the effort of holding herself back from him was taking, Tom could not recall ever seeing his Captain so conflicted, she was obviously furious with William Riker, yet she was still drawn to him like iron to a magnet, unable to fully resist his pull.

Tom was so far into his musing over their reactions, he completely missed his wife going from yellow to red alert in the blink of an eye, "Changing your mind about what? Will one of you PetaQs tell me what the hell is going on here." B'Elanna exploded out of her seat.

"Radio silence," Will replied quietly, motioning for B'Elanna to take her seat once more. "No one on the Voyager crew is to speak to the press, nothing no reactions at all."

Kathryn stared him down, "better tell her the rest of it," in her mind she could see her Chief Engineer's reaction and wondered how quickly she might move to intercede on her husband's behalf, some part of her thought she might just wait a minute or two longer than necessary.

Will sighed, he knew what Kate was doing, that devious mind of hers knew she couldn't hold her ground with him for long, so she was setting up someone else to take him down. Raising an eyebrow at her he continued resigning himself to whatever reaction might follow.

"I even see a whiff of it I'll make it my personal mission to end that persons Fleet career, for good!" His eyes locked on B'Elanna, "If they resign I'll find another way to make them wish they'd cut their own tongue out."

Switching his gaze to Tom, "A message went out to all Senior staff half an hour ago."

Tom grabbed B'Elanna's arm, keeping her seated as he whistled, looking at Will Riker with either respect or pity.

"You are crazy! One to think that anyone from Voyager would talk to the press about this, Chakotay initiated a shields up message just after Seven got blindsided by that VOYer reporter, so we beat you to it."

Leaning back in his seat, raising two fingers reinforced his next statement, "Two did you actually try and threaten Voyager crew, and give an order to its Senior staff?"

Whistling again, Tom muttered, "it's a miracle you're still breathing man."

Kathryn stepped further into the room, a deadly look in her eye, "There's still time Tom"

She still didn't go anywhere near Riker, choosing instead to circle behind him. "But what is a shields up message", she raised an eyebrow and her voice took on that command tone that brooked no argument, "Explain"

Now it was Tom's turn to look uncomfortable, "Err, well it's the coded signal that you, erm, one of our own needs protection. A shields up message, triggers a cascade through the crew from the senior staff down."

"I see, and why wasn't I informed of this shields up protocol," Kathryn reached the replicator and not offering anyone anything, simply said "coffee, black." Never taking her eyes off the three people seated across from her position, she had complete command of the room.

B'Elanna looked down then quickly back at Tom, who nodded, " The shields up protocol only concerns you, Captain. It's a signal to the crew that we need to step up and help you. You have always helped us, you would never ask and we needed a way to protect you if you ever needed it."

Tom placed his hand on his wife's shoulder, "exactly and we needed a way to do it without alerting you, we all know how much you would do to protect the crew, one of us had to step in and stop you so many times from sacrificing yourself in the Delta Quadrant, there was no reason to abandon a perfectly good protocol just because we got home, especially as you are a bit of a trouble magnet Captain."

Will snorted, then tried to cover it with a cough. Kathryn threw him a look, muttering, "I hope you're choking to death, it will save me the trouble."

Eyes narrowing Will looked at his wife, "We both know he's right, you attract trouble like no woman I've ever met."

Standing he crossed the short distance and snagged the coffee out of her hand, a saucy smile on his face as he took a long gulp, "but it seems at least some of your crew have you figured out."

Raising her chin Kathryn challenged him, "oh?"

Will stepped closer, the hand with the cup skirting behind her to place it on the counter at her back, an action that effectively trapped her between it and his body. Leaning into her he whispered "the most dangerous enemy you have ever faced is yourself, stop trying to engage the self destruct Kate."

B'Elanna and Tom watched, it was as if they had vanished leaving Kathryn and William Riker alone in the room, neither any longer fully aware of their audience.

Kathryn's hands were gripping the counter the action forcing her upper body forward, Will's broad chest pinning her backward, her chin raised, their eyes locked on each other in a silent battle.

Finally Kathryn moved, pushing herself up on her toes she moulded her lips to his a small whimper of submission in her throat, her hands gripped his shirt pulling him closer, deepening the kiss, sliding her hands around his neck, fingers threading into his hair.

B'Elanna was struggling to place the woman in front of her with the Captain she knew, Tom having spent more time with her recently was less shocked and yet this open display between his Captain and her husband was so at odds with what he was used to seeing, always controlled, calm and unfazed. Then he realised they had never really seen Kathryn Janeway anywhere but Voyager, it seemed even on the occasions she attended the social gatherings her Captains mask had never really disappeared, now what he knew of her time on Quarra made sense, Chakotay had always found it strange how quickly she had become domesticated, even hinting that she wouldn't want all the responsibility of Captaining a starship.

At heart she was a scientist and explorer, these were her true callings only his Father had pushed her onto the command track and perhaps if it hadn't been for the experience with him at the hands of the Cardassians, then the death of Justin and her Father she may have resisted him. She never would have met Will Riker, never taken command of Voyager, probably would have produced a couple of blue eyed genius children and discovered the secret to warp ten flight before Tom had even attempted it and yet it wasn't to be instead she had lost herself in the Delta Quadrant, fought her way home, only to find that home wasn't what she was looking for and she was still lost.

Will only momentarily caught off guard by her kiss, wrapped his arm around her waist his other hand sliding up her back, caught the sound of anguish from her throat and took it into himself, dragging his mouth away from hers, "we still have company Kate," he whispered with regret, taking her wrist from his shoulder and brushing his lips gently against the creamy white skin.

Resting her forehead on his chest for a moment, Kathryn tried to calm her racing heartbeat. God dammit, he drove her crazy always keeping her off balance, the Captain within her didn't know what to do with him whenever she tried to take over Will would connect with the woman inside and beat her back, once again drawing Kate to the front, continuing to remind her that she was more than a lonely Starfleet Captain stuck on the other side of the galaxy. It was so frustrating being this out of control, yet at the same time she had spent the last few years longing for it. But she was finding it harder than she had thought giving up that part of herself, the Captain who had formed such an indestructible wall around her for so long, it had been slowly getting easier being around Will again, learning that it was ok to be Kate again, there were no Kazon here, no endless search for energy and resources, no need to constantly look over her shoulder wondering when the next attack would come, no need to be the one in control all the time. But then he went and issued an order to her senior staff and stopped her from speaking to the press!

She couldn't let that go, Her idiot counsellor seemed to think it shouldn't be an issue, her husband was looking out for her well being, it was ok to let herself be taken care of, it was ok to accept help and support. But she just couldn't, could she? William refused to be brought to heel, her trusted command tone had done nothing to persuade him, diplomacy had failed, welding and cajoling made no impact on his shields at all until finally she had reached breaking point and hurled her glass right at his smug handsome face, which he dodged allowing the glass to smash on the wall next to him, at which point he simply smirked at her saying, "you missed Kate," she had seen red. It wasn't until this moment she had realised exactly why he had looked so smug, the Captain would never have lost control to that extent, only Kate would have let him get to her that way, only Kate would have thrown something at his stupid head.

Captain? B'Elanna began

Kathryn's hand shot out in a warning gesture for her to stop

Her muffled voice sounded from Will's chest "Don't call me that here B'Elanna, It's Kathryn or Kate if you don't mind."

Will Riker looked over his wife's head at his guests his expression imploring them to understand the pivotal moment they were in.

"Okay Kathryn," B'Elanna drew out, she wasn't quite ready for Kate yet, speaking as if to a child, "do you mind telling me what is going on with you?"

Kathryn raised her eyes and looked at B'Elanna, Tom nodded to her in encouragement his hand resting on his wife's back as she lent towards them.

Letting go a shaking breath she didn't know she had been holding, okay she thought I can do this, her Counsellor had suggested she try introducing herself as Kathryn Riker to keep her connection with the woman rather than the Captain. Kathryn stepped out of Will's arms, and held her hand out towards B'Elanna.

As B'Elanna looked at her outstretched hand in confusion, Tom made a mental leap and reached out, taking Kathryn's delicate fingers in an age old symbol of greeting.

Kathryn smiled slightly grateful to him for understanding what she was doing, shaking his hand she said "I'm Kathryn Riker, I've been lost for the last few years but I'm trying to find my way back, my counsellor suggested it would help me if people didn't use my rank, that's a bit of a trigger apparently."

Will rocked back on his heels grinning as he crossed his arms. Finally a step forward.

* * *

Of course every step forward usually comes with two backward, and the backward step came a week later in the form of Mark Johnson.

**Good morning VOYers,**

**In this special live interview, I'd like to introduce you to Professor Mark Johnson, historian, writer and ex fiancee of Captain Kathryn Janeway, thank you for meeting with me today Mark.**

* * *

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> To be continued....

**Author's Note:**

> To Be Continued....


End file.
